It’s a total myth that only women are the ones who want to have kids more in a relationship. I’ve known and dated some guys who were seriously broody, and they always managed to make me feel bad about my decision to stay childfree by saying these things.
“But you have a womb.”
Do you feel your blood pressure rising yet? Because I do. I can’t deal with this stupid comment. Yes, I have a womb, but that doesn’t mean I have to use it. It’s my right not to use it. Dumbass.
“But it’s a gift to have kids.”
I get that it really is a miracle to be able to bring children into this world, but whenever guys said these words to me—and yes, it happened more than once—I couldn’t help but feel like I was being guilt-tripped for not wanting to be a parent. It’s like I was going against the universe by choosing not to procreate. What kind of misogynist, outdated BS is that?
When on a date with someone, it’s totally normal to talk about marriage and kids, so I don’t mind guys asking why I don’t want to have kids. However, when they ask me why I’m not keen on the idea with bug eyes, it’s such a turn-off. Seriously, is it such a shock in this day and age to meet a woman who doesn’t dream of being a mom? Jeez.
“So, you’re going to be a career woman your whole life?”
Yes, I was actually asked this by a guy I was on a date with. Can you believe it? It was clear that in his mind, having kids was much more important than having goals and a career. This in itself is fine—everyone has the right to their own choices—but it’s so unfair to make me seem like less of a valuable person for not having kids.
“Aren’t you going to regret it?”
Again, this question is so off-putting because of the implication that A) I haven’t thought through my options, B) I clearly don’t know what I want, and C) it’s guaranteed that a woman who doesn’t want to have children will regret it later in life. None of those are true.
“Why, would you be a bad mom?”
I once told a guy I wasn’t really sure if I wanted kids and was leaning towards never having them, and he had the absolute nerve to ask me if that was because I thought I was going to be a bad mother. Um, what? Can we stop assuming that women who don’t have kids are somehow bad people or have failed? Enough is enough!
“My kids have brought my life so much more meaning.”
I have great respect for people who have kids and love every second of being a parent. More power to them! But some guys who were already parents have seemed to think it’s now their responsibility to tell me that I should have them too because my life is actually void of any real purpose or meaning otherwise. Insert eye roll. Hello, I’m child-free, not child-less.
“Why are you waiting?”
Um, no dude, I’m not waiting around. I just don’t want kids, and that doesn’t have to be as a result of being unsure about it. This question is usually followed up with…
“You obviously just haven’t met the right guy yet.”
It’s 2019! We don’t have to wait for the perfect guy in order to have kids! Someone send this guy the memo. I find it quite insulting that guys would say things like this, as though a woman is just waiting around for a guy to change her mind about having kids.
“Your biological clock says otherwise.”
This guy was so close to getting a drink splashed in his face! Why is it that when women talk about not having kids, there’s always some jerk in the room who has to mention their biological clock? Just because dudes can spread their seed well into their 70s doesn’t mean women are on some race against time to hurry up and pop out babies.
“But millions of women have kids!”
One of the biggest reasons why I’m not keen on having kids is because of pregnancy. I’m pretty anxious about how one’s body changes during the process and fearful about all that can go wrong. When I’ve explained this to guys, sometimes I’ve been given the reply that I shouldn’t worry because millions of women have kids and they’re fine. Gee, thanks. That really makes me feel better. Not.
“Oh, I wish I could have babies.”
One or two guys have told me that they wished guys could conceive babies. While I totally get that and wish that it had been possible so that they could’ve had kids, I don’t like being made to feel like I should be having kids because they would have in my shoes. Let me just take one for the team, right? Damn.
“So, you want an easy life, then?”
Everyone knows that having kids is hard work. I take my hat off to all the moms out there who are making it happen. But here’s the thing: not having kids doesn’t mean that I’m trying to avoid a difficult life. That’s ridiculous! These guys really need to wake up to the fact that there are many reasons why a woman wouldn’t want to have kids, and it’s not always because she wants a more chilled, selfish life. Although, if she does, then what’s so damn wrong with that? It’s probably a reason why many men don’t want to have kids, so there.
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