Guys, You’re Not Flirting If You Do These Things — You’re Being A Jerk

To all the guys out there wondering why they’re still single — listen up. You’re single because your idea of flirting is acting like a complete douche to the girl you’re interested in. Newsflash: we aren’t in middle school anymore and being “mean” to your crush isn’t a sign that you like us. If you’re doing any of the following, you’re being an jerk — change the way you flirt ASAP!

  1. Acting aloof on the first date. We understand not wanting to seem too interested on the first date. Guys want to appear cool and slightly elusive; we get it. Having said that, we don’t want to be the only ones doing the talking! Of course, we could, but this isn’t a therapy session — we want to hear from you too. It’s great that you want to get to know us, but it shouldn’t be all one-sided. You have to show a little bit of who you are. Otherwise, how will we know you’re worth it?
  2. Not asking the right questions. Or should we say, not asking questions at all! If you’re truly interested in us, you should ask us about ourselves. “How was your day?” “Do you have any siblings?” “What’s your favorite sex position?” Just kidding about the last one! Asking girls questions about sex is not flirting, and it doesn’t make us like you. Instead, ask us questions that show you have a genuine interest in getting to know who we are (and that may help you get the answer to the sex question at a later date).
  3. Complementing the wrong things. We don’t want to hear that you like our dress because it makes our boobs look good. It’s not an insult, but it’s definitely not the kind of compliment we’re looking for. There’s nothing more annoying than a guy who only knows how to compliment the physical. Don’t tell us that we have a nice body — we want to be complimented on the stuff that matters, not the stuff that will inevitably fade away with age.
  4. Buying drinks instead of food. No, we don’t want to meet you for happy hour. We want an actual date — pick us up at seven, take us to a nice restaurant, and pay the bill (none of that dutch nonsense). Buying us drinks at a bar all night isn’t appealing, and it definitely isn’t flirting. You may be trying to be nice, but we’ve seen this before — guys who try to get us good and drunk so we forget our morals. Well, not today, sir. Instead of offering to buy us another drink, why don’t you offer to buy us some nachos… with extra guac. K thanks.
  5. Using pet names. A lot of us really hate pet names. We’re sorry to anyone who loves them, but they annoy us — especially if we don’t really know the guy! If we’re in the earlier state of our relationship and you call us “girl” or “honey” every other text message, we’re going to have a problem. Maybe you think it’s cute, but there are women out there who find it disrespectful and degrading. Put away that tool-ish attitude and calling us by our names. Otherwise, we might worry you don’t remember them.
  6. Waiting to reach out. Seriously, you need to stop taking your sweet time to reach out to us! We’re seriously sick of this game, and so is every woman out there! We know you guys purposely wait a few days to text a girl after a date (even if that date was amazing) — WTF is that logic? In case you didn’t know, not texting doesn’t make us want you more. In fact, if we don’t hear from you the day after our date, we’re just going to assume you weren’t interested in us and move on! Time is a luxury you can’t afford, so pick up the damn phone and call us!
  7. Expecting the girl to do everything. Some women are absolute go-getters and have no problem going right up to a guy and asking him out (we’re in awe of those women). However, it shouldn’t be the girl’s job to always make the first move — we want you to put some effort in too. Don’t text us, “I have nothing to do today” expecting us to suggest hanging out. If you want to hang out, ask us to hang out! Relationships are about give and take, and we don’t want a guy who only knows how to take.
  8. Sending sexy Snapchats. They key to our hearts is not through a picture of your penis! Sending snaps of yourself naked, sweaty at the gym, or eating a bowl of cherries (with a winky face emoji) is not sexy. Girls aren’t trying to date the guy who can only talk about two things: sex and fitness. Now, we might spend a night with that guy, but nothing long-term. Stop with the inappropriate pictures. We aren’t 14-year-old virgins anymore — we’ve seen a penis before!
  9. Not expressing your feelings. If you like us, tell us— it’s as simple as that! Don’t worry about appearing weak or losing your so called, “power” in the relationship. Girls like a little vulnerability — being upfront with your feelings tells us that you know what you want and you aren’t afraid to go after it. If you think expressing the way you feel makes you less of a man, you’re wrong! In fact, it takes a real man to look us in the eye and tell us how he feels. Most of these jerks can only send it in a cryptic text. Don’t be that guy!
  10. Talking about past relationships. Do NOT compare us to your ex-girlfriend. We don’t want to hear that we’re prettier than her, smarter, or “more secure in ourselves.” That’s great and all, but why are we talking about your ex? Better question, why is your ex even still on your mind? If a guy brings up a past relationship, we’re going to go ahead and take that as a sign — there’s some unfinished business there. We refuse to be a rebound, or worse, the girl he dates before he realizes his ex was his true soulmate. Talking about your past relationship to the girl you’re trying to woo is never a good idea — live in the present, not the past.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.