Guys Are Not Mysterious—If He’s Not Going To Be Your BF, You’ll Know

Most guys don’t beat around the bush when it comes to their feelings for you—they’re much more straightforward than that and it’s up to you to pay attention to the clear messages they’re sending.

  1. He’ll be open if he has a plan. As Steve Harvey advised, a man will always have a plan. Remember that wisdom when going out to meet a guy on a first date. If he’s into you, he’ll see a future with you. He might not be daydreaming about marriage and kids but he will be thinking that he wants to see you again next weekend and that he’d love for you to be his girlfriend.
  2. No clarity means no future. If he’s not going to tell you (or more importantly show you) what he wants from you, then he’s being pretty obvious: he doesn’t see a future with you. No, he’s not too nervous to define the relationship. He’s a grown man who can say what he wants and he doesn’t want you.
  3. He’s not going to waste time. Why would he risk you getting snapped up by someone else? Would you waste time with someone you really liked? Hell no. You’d want to get the relationship ball rolling as quickly as possible.
  4. He’s not confused. If you’re saying he’s “confused” as an excuse for why he’s always giving you mixed messages, you’re just trying to find a way for him to be the guy you hoped he was. He’s not that guy, and he’s certainly not confused about what he wants.
  5. He’s flirting because he wants to hook up. Maybe you think that when he’s super-flirty with you, it’s a sign he wants something real and long-term with you. In reality, if all he’s giving you is flirtation, he’s telling you loud and clear that he just wants something casual.
  6. He’ll only act shady if he is shady. If he’s making you feel uncertain about where he stands and what he wants, that could be because he’s up to something dodgy. Maybe he has another woman on the side or maybe he’s not actually keen on commitment (more on that in the next point). The point to take away is that nothing good ever comes from a man who’s making you feel that he’s shady. He’s also not putting on his shadiness to play with you—that’s who he is!
  7. He’s not afraid of commitment, he just doesn’t want it. Don’t feel sorry for the guy when he says that he’s afraid to commit. What he’s really telling you with his actions is that he doesn’t want to commit to you, or perhaps anyone. You might think that he’s giving you mixed messages by telling you he’s afraid when he’s not actually afraid, but no, he’s just a coward. Whether he’s afraid or not is not the point. The point is he’s choosing not to commit to you. Plain and simple.
  8. He doesn’t need time to think. Sometimes you might think you should wait around for your crush to wake up and make you his. The thing is, you shouldn’t be left hanging by a guy if he wants to be with you. And no, don’t listen to anyone who suggests that he “just needs some time” to think things through. Move on.
  9. There are different degrees of liking. You know what makes the dating game so damn confusing? It’s not his mixed messages, it’s the fact that a guy might actually like you but not like you to the point where he wants to take you home to meet his mama. So, when he flirts with you or treats you like a princess, you might think it must mean that he likes you a lot. In reality, he might just like you enough to want to hang out with you. The thing is, if he’s not putting a relationship label on it, that’s your answer right there.
  10. He’s not dropping hints. He has better things to do than think up a variety of ways in which to hint that he likes you. Don’t think that he’s sending you hints when he “likes” your Instagram story or asks how your day was (after disappearing for a whole weekend). It’s not an opportunity for you to try to analyze his texts and hints to death. A guy who really wants to be with you won’t give you a moment to even do that crap. He’ll be too busy asking you out and sending you texts.
  11. He’s not too shy to say it. Think about something you really love. Do you feel comfortable telling the world about it on Facebook? Sure. Now think about something you don’t really like, like the guy at the gym who keeps asking you out but he’s not your type. You wouldn’t say that he’s your boyfriend, would you? In a similar fashion, a guy who can’t say that he likes you and wants you to be his girlfriend is telling you quite clearly that he’s not, actually, smitten. The best thing to do is move on. At least you have your answer.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.