Why Do Guys Pull Away When Things Are Going Well?

Toxic relationship games are infuriating. It is so unfair when you think everything is going great, only to have him go cold on you with no explanation. If you’re like me, you end up ruminating over every interaction you’ve had with him trying to figure out why this could have happened. Wonder no more- here are 8 possible explanations for why your guy pulled away when times were good.

  1. He wants you to be the one to end it. Sadly enough, it’s a real thing that guys can plan far in advance that they want to end it with you while still acting completely invested in the relationship. They could already be moved on and seeing someone else entirely, meanwhile, you think you two are getting along great because he never complained or told you otherwise. He may not know how to handle or communicate through issues, so he’s just letting it all build up and hoping by passively exiting the relationship, you’ll take the active lead on the official break up.
  2. He has an avoidant attachment style. Things may really be going well between you two, but this is just a part of who he is. He wants things to work out and may not even be aware of his tendency to push people away when the going gets good. It’s difficult for him to be vulnerable and being exposed makes commitment almost impossible for him to handle. This is all an internal struggle for him and nothing to do with you. Your relationship just keeps getting too close for his comfort.
  3. He doesn’t want anything serious. He likes having fun with you and you two are getting along well. But he never wanted to commit to someone on that level in the first place or doesn’t quite see that type of future with you. He uses pulling away to keep the relationship in its place when it starts feeling too real and less casual. He’s just not trying to go there with you.
  4. He’s anxious. He doesn’t know what the heck he’s doing. Every time you two get close, he starts freaking out and over-thinking ways he might fudge a good thing in his life. He is full of self-doubt and nervous as hell. He wants to make things work, but this also may be new territory for him and he wants to get it right. The relationship means something to him and he’s being a perfectionist to a fault about it.
  5. He’s afraid it’s too good to be true. Similar to the last point, this guy really likes you and doesn’t want to blow it. The better things get, the closer he feels to botching the whole thing. He’s shocked you’re even interested at all. He is deeply aware of all his flaws and is convinced any day now you’ll see him for who he really is, change your mind about your feelings, and leave him in the dust. He’s been hurt before and he’s just not ready for that pain again. He needs reassurance.
  6. He’s manipulating you. Simply put, this guy is a complete a-hole. He’s intentionally using push-pull tactics to get away with treating you worse over time and further lowballing his efforts. Each time you come back to him after he goes cold, he knows he can do even less than before because you’ll accept anything from him as opposed to losing him completely. You may even give more of yourself to him when he does this to try harder to win him over and stay in his good graces. This type of guy is horribly toxic and damaging and will only get worse if allowed.
  7. He’s just comfortable. He doesn’t feel the need to pursue you after the initial chase is over. He thinks now that he has you on lock, he can go back to focusing attention on other areas of his life. Nothing is wrong with your relationship, but he is either an independent free-spirit type, lazy, or unable to multi-task. He may need a little push to stay consistent or you may need more attention from him than he’s able to give.
  8. He’s hiding something. Things are going well in your relationship, but cheaters and players can’t stay on their best behavior for too long. This guy wants to continue the favorable streak with you, but he may have gotten his side chick pregnant and doesn’t want you to find out. It’s also possible he’s hiding something he’s embarrassed about, like losing his job or not having enough money to keep up with the finances. He wants to be the man in the relationship and is feeling emasculated right now. Thirdly, it could be a completely good thing like he’s about to propose and he’s a little silent temporarily as he’s secretly planning all the details to surprise you.
I’m Cara, not to be confused with Carrie, although you could say I’m a Millennial Bradshaw of sorts. Pop culture connoisseur. Lover of all things creative and passionate about health and personal well-being. Follow me on IG @cara_vale_writer