What Guys Really Find Sexy—And It’s Not What You Might Think

Not all of mankind is so shallow that you can paddle in us. In fact, while we all know a whole host of cliches that men find sexy—you know, threesomes, big boobs, and all that jazz—here are the things that really get us going.

A woman who has a lot going on 

We’re not all a bunch of walking penises! Okay, so it’s fair to say some of us do fall into this category and at any given time, a “good guy” can be thinking with his equipment. However, interesting is definitely attractive. If we’re trying to make plans and you can’t because you belong to 15 different clubs, we’ll actually like that. Conversation is king and there’s nothing worse than a one-way dialogue.

A woman who takes control

 We love it when you get all assertive on us. Tell us what you like and what you don’t and we’ll do it (probably, unless it’s something like taking the trash out). Seriously, though, most guys actually do want to get women off. We get a buzz from it. Personally, if I had the choice between giving a woman an orgasm and having one myself, I’d chose the woman every time!

A woman who’s comfortable in her own skin and loves her body

 Okay, I get it that you may prefer the lights off, but if a dude is lying there with an erection, that’s all for you! Men aren’t as shallow as you might think. The parts of you that you don’t like may well be the parts of you that we find the most attractive. And when a woman touches herself or directs us to the bits she wants to be touched, I can’t think of anything hotter, to be quite honest, and I’m sure most men would agree. Confidence is sexy!

A woman who’s smart AND funny

 Ever heard of smexy—smart and sexy? If there was a time when being a bimbo was cool, those days have passed. Most internet dating sites have a filter so you can search purely for college graduates. I would never go to that extreme, but ultimately a girl that can kick my ass in a game of scrabble is far more attractive than one who doesn’t know what the capital of Norway is.

A woman who takes an interest in our interests and hobbies 

We love this. You don’t have to suddenly start supporting a football team, but ask us how our team is doing. We’ll love the opportunity to talk about something we’re passionate about. This works in reverse too because I have it on good authority that ladies like it when men have interests and passions. Why not give us the opportunity to talk about those passions? You may well see a new side of us.

A woman who hits on us

 Because it so infrequently happens. Men initiate and women decide. That’s the way it is unless you look like Tom Hardy, which most guys don’t. Except maybe Tom Hardy. We love it when a woman decides she likes us and actually lets us know.

A woman who’s willing to stroke our egos

 Guys are just like our canine friends—we can be easily conditioned into “good habits.” If we were to say to you, “Thank you for doing the dishes, you’re wonderful” every time you did it, you’d assume that we were being condescending. We guys love that. Condescend away and we’ll keep doing it. It’s like clicker training! Oh, and it works in the bedroom too. Never be afraid to give direction. Just keep it positive.

A woman who understands that variety is the spice of life

 I’ve heard rumors there are more than three sexual positions. In fact, there are entire books dedicated to them. Try them! Even if they look ridiculous and you fall in a heap giggling when you try them, be willing to give them a go with us (as long as you’re comfortable). In fact, it’s the positions that go wrong that are the best. People don’t laugh enough during sex—it’s supposed to be fun.

A woman who appreciates dirty talk

Most men I’ve talked to love this; most women I’ve talked to hate it. There has to be some level of compromise. You might not be the next Jackie Collins, but trust me, just the odd “I want you so bad” or “This feels amazing” will go a long, long way with your guy.

A woman who doesn’t hide her neuroses 

You might want to drip in the fact that you’re a couple of sandwiches short of a full picnic. However, it’s a well-known fact that guys dig crazy chicks. I guess on some level, we associate being slightly unhinged with being good in bed. True? Who can say, but we’re into it

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