Why Do Guys Seem Normal Online But Then Act Super Weird IRL?

When you’ve been dating online for a period of time, you pretty much deserve a medal… and you could definitely write a rulebook. You’ve seen everything, most of which you really wish you hadn’t. You’ve figured out that anyone who seems normal when you’re chatting online is guaranteed to be super weird and creepy when you finally meet IRL. Here are 10 things you’ve probably noticed:

  1. Chatty guys are silent. Beware the guys who write you paragraph after paragraph online, because those novels mean nothing when they’re sitting across from you drinking a beer and saying nothing at all. It’s like some kind of rule that guys who are chatty online can’t talk in person. It’s like they have no idea how they got here and why they’re sitting in front of you.
  2. Humor doesn’t translate. Did that guy from Tinder or OkCupid have you laughing over his quirky wit and clever comments? Sorry but that’s not going to happen when you meet up in person. It’s like this guy borrowed someone else’s personality because now he can’t even crack a smile, let alone a joke.
  3. There’s always a surprise. Ah, the most fun part of online dating. You expect a somewhat normal guy, since he didn’t seem nuts when you were chatting — and then boom, he’s got a surprise for you. He’s missing several of his teeth. He looks nothing like his profile photo. He mumbles so much he can barely speak. He’s only looking for a friend. Yeah, things get really weird pretty quickly.
  4. Dates last one hour. Guys can talk to you online for days and days. Sometimes you’re the one who cuts things off and suggests an in-person coffee or drinks date because, hey, you want to actually meet someone sometime within this century. But those same guys? They’re totally content to meet you for a total of one hour and then be on their way. It’s like they don’t even treat it like a real date, and they always have somewhere to be.
  5. You have nothing in common. Sure, you could chat about Stranger Things when it was just you and your iPhones. But now? You and this guy have absolutely nothing in common and there just doesn’t seem to be anything to say. Maybe you really did say it all when you chatted the other night for an hour.
  6. The crazy comes out in full force. That decent-looking guy who seemed to have a good job and a calm nature? Yeah, he’s full-on crazy, and he’s going on a rant as soon as you meet him. You didn’t expect that, but by now, maybe you should have.
  7. Everyone’s going through the motions. A date isn’t even a date anymore. It’s not even like two friends hanging out because you know nothing about each other and you’re both treating the other like a total stranger. So you really don’t know what’s going on. All you know is that each date blurs into the next and you can’t be fully present for any of them.
  8. You always learn the truth. That guy who seemed super promising? Yeah, he’s moving to Europe next month. The successful lawyer or teacher? He’s unemployed and hates his field. You always learn the truth about these guys on the first date and realize that most of what they told you was either a bold-faced lie or some sort of white lie. Either way, it sucks.
  9. No one wants a girlfriend. He seemed interested in you… at least through your computer or iPhone screen. Now that you’re sitting in front of him, and you’re real, he seems to have a million reasons why he can’t date anyone right now. He’s focused on work. He’s got an active social life. He has zero interest in finding a girlfriend. So why are you even here?
  10. Maturity and manners are non-existent. Sometimes it feels like you’ve been looking forever for a polite guy who’s not super immature. Lately, it’s like everyone is still in junior high, at least mentally. And you graduated long ago. So you’ll have to keep up the search. Sigh.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.