Fact: it’s really not your fault if a guy cheats on you or plays you for a fool. That said, there are some things that might’ve made you a target for his dodgy ways even before you became his GF. Like all damaged men, players know which women to date so that they can get what they want. Here are 13 things that make you attractive to players so you can repel them in the future.
You’re too damn nice. It’s great to be a wonderful, caring person, but don’t throw your niceness around like it’s worthless. People need to earn it otherwise they don’t deserve it. Players don’t want to work for your niceness, which is why the woman who’s always good to them no matter how badly they behave is so appealing.
You’re always on call. He calls and you answer the phone after one ring. He texts you and you drop everything. If you’re too available for him, you’re showing him that he can get what he wants from you without having to do much. Cheaters aren’t going to make a big effort unless they want something right away to satisfy their needs. Screw that. You’re a diamond, not a rhinestone. He’s got to invest in you as much as you invest in him, or else he can GTFO.
You’re covered in a scent of desperation. You’re so eager to find a man and it shows. You’re rolling out a red carpet for this guy when you don’t even really know if he’s worthy of it. Ugh. Treat him like a king and if he’s a cheat, he’s going to treat you like a slave.
You let him win every time. How do you make him win? By letting him charm the pants off you. For example, when you ask him why he hasn’t been taking your calls, he’ll distract you by saying how much he needs to see you right away, and you’ll fall for it every damn time. Don’t let flattery work on you—it’s insulting and manipulative.
You ignore his past. If he’s got a lousy track record of cheating on loads of women, what makes you think he’s going to change his ways for you? In his eyes, you’re just a number. He’s got serious issues, so don’t waste your time with someone who’s more trouble than he’s worth.
You put your gut on hold. You know in your gut when something’s just not right about a guy. But still, you ignore it. Why do that to yourself? That feeling of doubt or hesitation is there for a reason—listen to it so that you’ll save yourself from bad guys. When you trust yourself, you show guys that you come first—and you won’t fall for their crap.
You’re a game player. If you play dating games, then you make it easy for guys to do the same thing to you. When you stop trying to play games to get the upper hand with a guy, you’re more mature and this attracts like-minded men who take relationships seriously.
You’ve got issues. You’ve been hurt by many guys in the past, which has made you suspicious AF about the guy you’re dating. Here’s where it gets sticky: if you don’t have a valid reason for suspecting him of doing dodgy things, you’re just going to sabotage yourself by pushing away a good guy. Basically, if you go around expecting the worst, you’ll get what you put out there—a guy who’s going to treat you like crap.
You buy into the bad boy hype. There’s nothing wrong with entering a relationship in the hope that it’ll be fun, but dating the bad boy isn’t fun. At least not for long. You might try to be the chilled woman who has fun with a bad guy without stressing about drama, but sooner or later things will get REALLY bad and you won’t be able to ignore it. Bad guys aren’t a bucket of fun. They’re a barrel of disappointment and heartache.
You’re stuck in a dating loop. Round and round you go! You keep attracting cheaters and can’t figure out why. You’re a decent, great woman, right? Yes, but you’re repeating the same relationship pattern for a reason and it’s time to figure out why so you can stop this madness. Maybe you’re so used to being treated badly by guys that you don’t really know how to deal with a guy who values you—guys will prey on this. Take a break from dating and figure out what you need to do to change who you’re attracted to. You’re probably going to need to do some work on yourself and how you see yourself, but it’ll be so worth it. You’ll start attracting men who respect you.
You don’t love yourself. If you’ve got no self-love, you won’t respect yourself. This is basically like wearing a flashing light on your forehead that tells players they’re welcome to enter your life, trash your heart, and aren’t required to value you. So messed up! Self-respect raises your standards, which keeps bad men away.
You see him as the missing piece. If a player sees that you really need a relationship to be happy, the selfish jerk is going to use your feelings to his advantage. He’ll try to push your boundaries, and if you let him succeed once, he’ll keep doing it. Hey, who says you need a guy anyway? Realize your worth! Instead of depending on a guy to make you happy, realize that you’re the architect of your own happiness and this will keep away the opportunistic douchebags.
You’re going with the flow. Instead of saying what you want in a relationship from the start, you just bite your tongue and go with the flow. This grey dating area is perfect for players who want to prevent commitment from getting in the way. If you just go with the flow, you’re telling the player that you’re down for whatever he’ll give you. And honestly, all you can expect in return from him is crumbs.