You Guys… I Think I Might Legitimately Die Alone

I used to say this as a joke, but I’m no longer kidding. People keep telling me I’ll find the right guy, but what the hell do they know? That’s easy to say, but I know plenty of people who never found their forever partner. They either ended up alone or miserably married. Here is a list of viable reasons I might become an old cat lady:

1. I’m not getting any younger. Okay, sure, I’m not super old yet. The truth remains that every year the pickings get slimmer and the options less attractive. I’m holding out for my unicorn, but what if I never meet him?
2. Everyone is dropping like flies. Seriously. If the guys I know aren’t in serious relationships, they’re already engaged or married. They’re all soooo in loooove. Where’s the guy who will love me that way? Ugh. If they’re still single, then I just wonder what’s wrong with them — usually there’s something.
3. I keep trying to be patient, but… I’m not a patient person. I want to meet the right guy, like, now. I want the universe to just drop him in my lap with a big sign on him that says “THE ONE. YOU’RE WELCOME.” I don’t want to have to do any more work. It takes up too much time and effort, which leads to my big problem…
4. … I hate dating. Why? Because it’s the worst! Obviously. It takes a lot of work and wasted time to sift through all the possibilities and find someone you really like. I don’t think I’m willing to put in the effort. I’d rather spend time working on my career or hanging out with my friends. I want to meet guys naturally, but I’m not sure how that’ll happen.
5. I have a fulfilling busy life already. I don’t really feel any need to have a man around. I want to be loved and I want to get laid, of course, but I’m perfectly happy on my own. I think that’s why I don’t care about going on dates or meeting guys when I go out. I have so much going on that takes priority over my love life.
6. I don’t meet anyone who interests me. To be fair, my main hobbies are yoga and ceramics — not exactly prime spots in which to meet guys. Dating apps are a joke, and I spend a lot of time at home. Even if I’m out, I’m with my friends and focused on catching up with them. It takes a lot to spark my interest these days.
7. No one hits on me… ever. This is pretty much the story of my life. I’ve never been the girl that guys go for. I’m just not. I don’t know why, because according to everyone in my circle of friends I’m pretty rad. I’m either not hot enough or my personality is too strong – which is a pile of crap, by the way. If you can’t handle me, then please, don’t bother hitting on me. Ha, I guess that’s it — they aren’t bothering!
8. I feel invisible to men. I’ve always been the wallflower of my girl posse. I’m the one having fun and making jokes, but when guys come over, I’m not the girl they approach. It’s not like I’m a troll! I know that those guys aren’t quality. It’s not like any of my friends ever fell in love with dudes who hit on them in bars. I don’t really care most of the time, but sometimes it does feel crappy.
9. I’m terrified of commitment. The longer I’m single, the less appealing a relationship looks. Like it or not, I have a problem with being vulnerable. Once I let a guy in, he can absolutely destroy me. I’m all or nothing. When I’m in love, I’m in it for real. It scares me to go there again and to get hurt again. I’d rather keep it casual and easy and noncommittal.
10. My friends keep telling me someone will come along, but who? That’s a nice thing to say, but it’s kind of trite. They don’t know when or if I’ll meet a great guy. Their logic is that I’m awesome so I’ll meet someone awesome. It’s a nice sentiment, but not necessarily true! I hope they’re right.
11. I have no interested in “settling down.” Ew. Even writing that grosses me out a little. I’ve always had a gypsy soul. I want to roam and explore and adventure and live freely! If I find a guy like that, wonderful. It just hasn’t happened for me yet and I don’t know where or how to meet them.
12. I have a strong personality and guys can’t deal. Well, that’s what I’m told. I think this is ridiculous and annoying. I’m not going to tone down who I am to fit some concept of what a man thinks of as feminine. Either love me for my strong, independent, intelligent, outspoken self or GTFO. Apparently, this is a problem for a lot of men. I’ve yet to meet a guy who finds it attractive and stands toe-to-toe with me.
13. I want to accomplish my own goals. I’ve never dated guys with money or wanted someone who will take care of me. It’d be nice if he makes a decent living, yes, but I want to make my own cash. I want to be successful in a career I love and pay my bills doing so. It’s not an easy goal to achieve so I have to put in a  lot of hard work. That means less time to date.
14. I enjoy being alone – maybe too much! Some of us are just lone wolves. Society likes to label it as a bad thing, but I think it’s great. I find comfort and joy in time by myself. I actually crave it — I can’t be around others all the time. Maybe I’ll find a guy who’s the exception to the rule, but it ain’t happened yet.
15. I refuse to settle for less than awesome. I’ve had enough subpar relationships. I’m not doing it anymore. If it’s clear in the very beginning that things aren’t right, I’m not going to stay in it just because he’s really cute or we have common interests or I just want a boyfriend at the time. These are not good reasons to date! If I can’t have something wonderful, I’d rather have nothing at all.