Are His Habits Just Annoying Or Potential Dealbreakers?

Are His Habits Just Annoying Or Potential Dealbreakers? ©iStock/Bogdankosanovic

Your boyfriend is great, but sometimes he can drive you up the wall and annoy the crap out of you. That’s normal to a certain degree, especially when you’re spending so much time together, but everyone has their limits. So are his obnoxious habits benign or can they wreck your relationship? Here’s how to tell:

  1. He notices other women. Before you start a fight about his wandering eye, chill and remind yourself it’s totes normal (you’re guilty of it, too). When does it become an issue? When your boyfriend’s eyes are all over basically everything and everyone but you when you’re out in public. If you get the feeling that his salivating-over-strangers habit means that he’d be asking for pretty women’s phone numbers if you weren’t present, then he’s not annoying — he’s a loser.
  2. He makes you laugh when you try to be serious. Humor is sexy in a boyfriend and sometimes a well-chosen joke in the middle of a heated argument can be just what’s needed to prevent things from boiling over. But if he’s using humor all the time when you’re trying to have an important chat with him, this prevents your relationship from progressing and can make you feel that he’s not taking things seriously.
  3. He mentions his ex. You’re talking about a trendy sofa when he mentions it was just like the one his ex had. Sure, she seems to come up sometimes but what you should be paying attention to is how she comes up. If he’s measuring you against her or she comes up so much because she’s still a big part of his life and texting him all the time, warning bells should ring. Confront him about it. His past shouldn’t be part of your present or future.
  4. He teases you. Teasing you can be cute and funny, such as if he says you’re an adorable polar bear under all your winter clothing. But if his so-called jokes hurt you, such as if he calls you stupid in front of your friends, you need to give your comedian a wake-up call. And no, you’re not being uptight. If his comments make you feel degraded or hurt, no matter what they are, then he shouldn’t say them. Respect!
  5. Quality time is all about the sex. It’s normal to want to have sex with him the minute you see him (grrr!) but if it feels like that’s all he wants to do when you’re having quality time, this can become an issue. What about chatting and connecting with each other on an intellectual and emotional level? If it’s all about the sex, then you’re dealing with a regular booty call, not a boyfriend.
  6. He’s not a planner. The spontaneous guy who lives in the moment can be fun, but not if he doesn’t care at all about the future because it can make you feel insecure. What’s even worse is if his daydreams about the future don’t include you at all. For instance, he tells you all about how exciting it will be when he goes travelling around the world… but makes no mention of you being at his side.
  7. He goes AWOL on social media. It might feel strange if your boyfriend doesn’t connect with you much on social media, but maybe he just isn’t into it. Even if he does connect with others, it could be that he prefers connecting with you in real life. That’s not a big deal, unless you’ve been dating for quite a while and he still hasn’t updated his relationship status even though he is active online. What’s he hiding?
  8. He’s got drama. Sooner or later there will be drama for you and your boyfriend to deal with. This could mean spending nights listening to him moan about how he was demoted at work or his dysfunctional family dynamics. But that’s cool because there will be times when he’ll have to listen to your crap. The problem is if he’s got drama all the time and he never seems to admit that he’s to blame for some of it. This points to him being irresponsible and childish, and you should seriously question sticking around. You’re not his psychologist, after all.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.