Growing up with parents who wanted to control every little thing can leave some pretty deep marks. Even after you’ve moved out and started living your own life, chances are you’re still carrying around habits you picked up as a kid. And the tricky part is that you probably don’t even realize you’re doing them. Here are 14 things you might be doing if you grew up with overly controlling parents.
1. You Constantly Question Your Own Choices
If your parents made every decision for you, it’s no wonder you have a hard time trusting your own judgment now. Whether it’s choosing what to wear or making a big life decision, you might constantly find yourself doubting if you’re doing the “right” thing in your adult life. That inner voice of doubt is a leftover from a childhood where someone else always called the shots.
2. You Struggle to Set Boundaries
When your parents didn’t respect your personal space or decisions, it’s easy to grow up without a clear sense of boundaries. Now, as an adult, saying “no” or standing up for yourself might feel uncomfortable. You’re so used to putting other people’s needs first that drawing the line feels foreign.
3. You Play It Safe and Avoid Taking Risks
If your parents made you feel like failure wasn’t an option, you might find yourself avoiding anything that feels risky. Now, as an adult, you stick to what’s comfortable because stepping out of your comfort zone always came with trouble when you were growing up. Playing it safe might feel like a shield against failure, but what it’s really doing is holding you back from fully experiencing life.
4. You Always Look for Approval
If you grew up needing your parents’ approval for everything, it’s no surprise that you’re still seeking validation from people in your adult life. Whether it’s at work, in friendships, or in relationships, you might find yourself needing someone else’s “okay” to feel good about your decisions. When you were always forced to get your parents’ approval, this can create debilitating habits as an adult.
5. You Feel Guilty for Putting Yourself First
Growing up with controlling parents often meant you had to prioritize everyone else before yourself. So now, when you try to do something just for you—whether it’s taking a break, saying no, or putting your needs first—you probably feel guilty. It’s hard to shake the feeling that you’re being selfish, even when you’re just taking care of yourself.
6. You Struggle to Express Your Opinions
If your parents constantly dictated how things should be, you probably grew up feeling like your opinions didn’t matter. Now, as an adult, you might hesitate to speak up or share your thoughts because you’re afraid of the consequences of speaking your mind. Even in situations where your input is needed, you might hold back because you never learned that your opinion is valuable.
7. You Can’t Relax Without Feeling Guilty
Do you ever feel like you should be doing something, even when there’s nothing that needs to be done? That’s probably a side effect of growing up with overly controlling parents. It can make relaxing feel like you’re being lazy, even when you’ve earned some downtime. Remember to be kinder to yourself.
8. You Get Anxious When Things Don’t Go as Planned
If your parents controlled everything, you probably learned that things had to go a certain way—or there might be consequences. Now, when life doesn’t go according to plan, it can make you feel anxious and stressed. Growing up, anything unpredictable felt dangerous or wrong, and because of this, you’ve developed anxiety when things go awry.
9. You Apologize… A Lot
If you’re constantly saying “sorry,” even when things aren’t your fault, that might be a leftover habit from growing up in a controlling environment. You learned to apologize quickly to avoid angering your parents further, and now it’s become second nature. If you’re apologizing for just existing sometimes, you may need to reframe your way of thinking.
10. You Hate the Idea of Disappointing People
If your parents had sky-high expectations, you probably developed a paralyzing fear of disappointing others. Now, whether it’s at work or in your personal life, you might find yourself bending over backward to make sure that you never let anyone down, even if this means sacrificing your own needs.
11. You Don’t Trust Others to Do Things Right
Growing up with controlling parents can sometimes turn you into a controlling person yourself. You might struggle to delegate tasks or ask for help because, deep down, you don’t trust anyone else to do it properly. It’s not that you don’t appreciate help—it’s that you were taught early on that having total control means getting the job done well.
12. You Avoid Conflict at All Costs
If conflict was a no-go in your childhood, you probably grew up avoiding it like the plague. Now, as an adult, you might find yourself dodging difficult conversations or going out of your way to keep the peace, even when your feelings are hurt. You might stay quiet when something bothers you, just to avoid rocking the boat.
13. You Push Yourself to Be Perfect
If your parents expected nothing less than perfection, you might still be carrying that weight on your shoulders. Whether it’s at work, in relationships, or even how you present yourself to others, you push yourself to the limit because anything less than perfect feels like failure. The pressure to always be “on” can be exhausting, and it’s hard to let go of when it’s how you were raised.
14. You Have a Hard Time Saying No
When “no” wasn’t an option growing up, it’s tough to set that boundary as an adult. You might find yourself agreeing to things you don’t want to do, just because saying no feels too uncomfortable. As an adult, you’re the person who takes on extra work, helps out a friend, or says yes to plans you don’t want because you simply don’t know how to put yourself first.
