I Had A Boyfriend But I Felt Like I Was Alone In The Relationship

I always thought being in a relationship meant that the loneliness of single life would disappear. What a joke! I learned this the hard way when I dated a guy who swore he loved me but made me feel more alone than I ever had before.

  1. It was like he was there but not. He was a fun, smart, interesting guy, but sometimes we’d be hanging out and it was like there was this screen between me and his brain. I had no idea what was going on inside his head but he was lost in it and didn’t care to share his thoughts with me. I’d be sitting there feeling so disconnected from him and it seriously sucked.
  2. He wasn’t there when it really mattered. He was the first person who’d show up to my house for a party and the last one to leave the dance floor on a Saturday night, but when I was sick or stuck with a flat tire, he was never around. WTF? Clearly he just loved having a good time. Meanwhile, I was left stranded and alone when I really needed him.
  3. He didn’t pay attention. Once, I had a huge fight with my best friend and had to re-do my makeup because you could see I’d been crying. My BF came to pick me up at home to go out for dinner. I thought he’d ask me why I looked so sad but he didn’t even notice my red, swollen eyes! I couldn’t believe it. He was too busy talking about his day at work. There were plenty of other times he didn’t pay attention to me or show me any consideration, but that one sticks out in my memory.
  4. Our dates became group outings. The first time he invited me to meet his friends, I was excited to get to know more about him and his life. But then every date of ours became group outings with his friends present and we never went out just the two of us. It started to get to me, and not just because I wanted to have some quality time with him on our own.
  5. He was different around other people. Around his friends, he was warm and the life of the party. Everyone raved about what a cool guy he was. It killed me to see how much he connected with his friends. Meanwhile, with me, he was distant and on his own mission. During one of our dates at his house, he spent the day reading instead of engaging with me. WTF?
  6. I started to wonder if he was worth it. After a few weeks of dating, I started to wonder if being with this guy was pointless. I mean, sure, we had some good times—usually when we were surrounded by other people, mind—and the sex was great, but was that enough to keep me around long-term? I doubted it.
  7. I met someone who was his polar opposite. I decided to take some time to figure things out before making any rash decisions, but life had other ideas in store. At work, a new guy joined our team and he was such a catch. I found myself leaving work every day with my cheeks hurting from all the laughter we’d shared. I was totally crushing on him even though I didn’t want to admit it because I had a boyfriend.
  8. He showed me what I was missing. It wasn’t just good times my co-worker and I were sharing. He really listened to me; I felt like when we spent time together over lunch, he gave me his undivided attention. It broke my heart because it made me see just how little my boyfriend actually gave a damn about me. He was more interested in giving his attention to his friends. Ugh.
  9. I was tired of being alone. Relationships are supposed to be about two people coming together to be a team. They should support each other. I really wasn’t getting any of this from my relationship and my co-worker made me realize it. I was selling myself short. If I was going to be alone, I’d rather be single so I could do whatever I wanted instead of being stuck with someone who made me lonely.
  10. There was no happy ending. I broke it off with my boyfriend, who didn’t understand what I told him about needing more support from him. What a selfish jerk. Honestly, I think he was secretly relieved to part ways. Oh, and in case you’re wondering, I didn’t get together with that co-worker, but that was fine.
  11. I got to be my own boyfriend. It sounds like I got a consolation prize by being single again, but it was the best thing that could’ve happened to me. I stopped searching for a guy to complete me. I realized I wasn’t meant to date my co-worker. The universe had sent him my way so I could see what I really needed from my relationship. Now it was time to focus on how I could be my own partner. This time around, I’m a whole lot happier.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.