You Had a Great First Date But Then… Nothing—Here’s Why

You had a fantastic first date and you’re pretty sure he wants to see you again, especially because he told you he had fun. Unfortunately, enjoying your night out doesn’t actually mean he’s keen to date you—here’s why.

  1. It was just a date. It was just meeting up with him for coffee and drinks without expectations or demands. Just because you spent a lot of time laughing and having fun, it doesn’t mean that he wants to see you again. Live in the moment and enjoy it for what it is without getting ahead of yourself with expectations.
  2. He could change his mind. As could you. It doesn’t mean that a second date is set in stone. In a way, that’s totally liberating because it means you can just enjoy the time you have without stressing about it. Who cares if he changes his mind about you? It’s his loss.
  3. He wanted an ego boost. Some guys meet up with you and have a great time only for their own selfish reasons. One of the reasons is to boost their self-confidence. They realize that they can go out there and meet great women without necessarily becoming their boyfriend. In other words, they’re egomaniacs.
  4. He likes you, but… He enjoyed your company and thought you were great. The catch? He doesn’t like you enough to actually make plans for a second date. This hurts, but it’s better than if he had to lead you on.
  5. He could just be super polite. The guy might tell you what a wonderful time he had with you because he’s a nice guy. It doesn’t mean that he’s hinting that he’d love to see you again.
  6. He might be confused. Maybe he left the date not sure if he likes you or not. Perhaps there was something that came up that was a deal breaker for him or it could have nothing to do with you at all. Maybe he’s just confused about what he wants in general. In that case, he’s doing you a favor by not wanting to see you again. Seriously, you don’t need confused guys in your life.
  7. He could have met someone else. He had a few dates lined up on Tinder and you were just one of them. So even though he had a great time, he’s actually quite smitten about some other woman with whom he had greater chemistry and a deeper, more immediate connection. Don’t be angry or disappointed—it happens.
  8. He’s just flirtatious. Maybe he’s just a really flirtatious guy, so while he’s charming you by saying how great it was to meet you and how stunning you looked in your dress, he’s flattering loads of other women. His flirts really don’t mean a thing.
  9. He wants to friend-zone you. You had a great connection and in your eyes, it was romantic. In his, not so much. Ouch. He’s saying he had a great time because he really did… just not in a romantic way. The ball’s in your court, though. It’s up to you to decide if you want to be his friend or move on to find someone to date.
  10. You said it first. Maybe you had such an amazing time that you wanted to thank him for the great date and he replied, agreeing that it was lots of fun. This doesn’t mean he reciprocates your feelings of liking him. It could be that he just feels awkward not to reply or he doesn’t want to seem like an a-hole by not agreeing that it was a fun time. Take it for what it is: a nice thing to say.
  11. He was hoping you’d go back to his place. He might not want a relationship with you but he’s being nice to keep the lines open so that there’s a chance he’ll get to sleep with you. See what he does next. If he invites you over to his house late at night or texts you in the early hours, the guy’s looking for a booty call.
  12. He’s keeping you on the horizon. He does like you but he doesn’t want to date you. However, he doesn’t want to disappear from your life because he’d like to keep you as a romantic option later. Ha, and they say guys don’t play games! Some guys like to feel out whether you enjoyed the date without making future plans so that they have someone available if they need them in future, like if their other dates bail on them. It seriously sucks.
  13. He’s a one-hit wonder. If you see him once and then never again, don’t beat yourself up or think that you did something to put him off. Some guys just want to feel the spark with someone and have a great time but not necessarily to take things further. It could be because they’re afraid of commitment or things getting too serious. Ugh, the issues. You’re better off alone!
  14. If he’s not making second-date plans, there’s your answer. The key is to look at a guy’s actions, not his words. Anyone can tell you how great your date was without wanting to take things further. So forget about what he said and focus on what he’s doing. If he’s not making second-date plans, then he’s not for you. There’s the only answer you need.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.