I get a lot of crap from my friends for hanging out with my boyfriend a lot. While I understand that they’re just saying they miss spending time with me, I do think that their complaints are a little unfair. I admit I spend a lot of time with him, but isn’t that the point? If we didn’t hang out a lot, it wouldn’t be a relationship. Here’s why I feel like my friends are kind of overreacting:
- If we didn’t spend a lot of time together, it wouldn’t be a committed relationship. He’s not my hookup or my friend with benefits. We’re not in an open relationship. We’re together and committed. We spend time together because we’re a priority in one another’s lives. Quite frankly, if we didn’t spend time together, I hope that my friends would ask me why and if something was wrong. Frankly, I’d think being in a relationship with someone you never saw would be a red flag.
- Single me and relationship me are two different people. I’m not afraid to admit that I’m a completely different person when I’m single versus when I’m in a relationship. When I’m single, of course I’m more willing to go out and stay out all night because I don’t have another person’s feelings to think about. When I’m in full-time, committed relationship, things are a little bit different. I’m not going to stay out all night because I want to come home with my guy but also because I have respect for my relationship and the role that my guy plays in my life. I wouldn’t want him to be out all night so I don’t expect him to deal with that from me either.
- I only get flack from my single friends. The only people I hear criticism from are my single friends. My friends in relationships tend to understand because they’re in similar situations. I’m not saying that I have no room to improve on balancing my friendships with my relationship, but I don’t think I’m that bad. I’ve been the single friend while my bestie was bae’d up and it sucks. We simply didn’t spend as much time together anymore and it made me look at my single status head-on. But, rather than shame my friend for spending time with her guy, I made sure to focus on me, find other people to hang out with, and communicate with her when I missed her and wanted to hang. It’s not her fault that I was single and it’s not my fault now that my friends are.
- I wish they’d stop assuming that if I’m not with them, I’m with him. I take me time too! I have other stuff to do! I’m busy. Sometimes I’m busy writing, sometimes I’m doing my actual job, other times I’m working out or spending time with family. My boyfriend is not, in fact, always with me. To assume I’m with him if I’m not with my friends suggests that my friends don’t recognize my greater interests and responsibilities. He’s a main priority, but not my only one.
- I don’t cancel when we do make plans. If I start canceling or not following through with someone for no good reason then they should definitely call me out. I hate when people cancel on me unless they’re in the hospital or dying on the side of the road. Until then, I’m not going to accept that I’m a horrible friend because I hang out with my guy a lot.
- I’m trying to figure out if he’s my forever person. Hello! Trying to figure out if he’s marriage material or not! Real life is not The Bachelor. I do need more than a few months and a handful of experiences to figure that out. Spending time with him, and a lot of it, is how I’m going to figure that out. They need to give me a break.
- As my boyfriend, he provides a different level of support than my friends. Emotionally and physically speaking, my boyfriend supports me in ways that my friends just can’t and don’t. He and I sleep together. We share a bed. We share a romantic attraction for each other. We’re friends but also lovers who share a level of intimacy and closeness reserved for romantic relationships. There’s a reason it feels more profound when my boyfriend calls me beautiful than when my friends do. My friends are important to me but it’s just not the same.
- Friendships go through changes but the best ones will always remain constant. I’m a believer that the best friends will stick with you through all of the loves of your life—through the trials, tribulations, and heartbreaks. Good friends will move with you through each stage of your romantic life. They’ll be your bridesmaids, your kids’ godparents, and your closest confidants. Friendships change and morph, but they’re the one thing that I believe should be constant. When some of my friends give me flack about my relationship, it makes me question which of them is really in it for the long haul with me.
- In some ways, we’re a unit, and I think that is perfectly okay. I’m really proud of the way my boyfriend and I are together. He complements me and vice versa. We operate like a team and that’s how I think committed relationships should be. He’s my doubles’ partner for now and hopefully for life.
