I’m Happy To Be Single Or In A Relationship But Not Stuck In A Gray Area

Casual dating has created a new kind of status where a person isn’t exactly single but isn’t exactly in a committed relationship either. That might be a new step in dating protocol, but it’s a step I’m choosing to skip. I’ll be a single lady or a committed girlfriend, but I won’t hover anywhere in between.

  1. My status will never be “it’s complicated.” That pretty much stands for “I don’t have a clue what’s going on in my love life. I don’t know if I can date other people. I don’t know if hooking up with someone else would be cheating. I don’t know if I’m free to do whatever I want or have someone to answer to.” It’s a status of mystery that I have no interest in trying to solve.
  2. If we can’t have a relationship, I don’t want to have anything. I don’t want to live in some unsatisfying in-between stage of dating. I want a real, official relationship, and if a man can’t give me that then he’s simply not the right man for me. I want a man who’s mature enough for something real. With me, it’s all or nothing. There is no in between.
  3. I don’t do hookups. I know that hookup culture is all the rage right now, but casual sex has no part in my life. Don’t get me wrong — I love sex just as much as the next girl, but only with the right person. I want to be in love and in a committed relationship. Hookup buddy arrangements and one-night stands just aren’t for me.
  4. I love my single life. Is that so surprising? I don’t need a guy to be happy or complete. Finding a good man that I could fall in love with would just be a wonderful bonus in my already amazing life. That’s why I’m not going to give up any part of my happiness to be in an in-between relationship when that’s not really what I want. I love being single. I could love being in a relationship, but only if it was the right one.
  5. I want to fall in love. I don’t want to hang out or see how things go. I want a man I can have a real future with. I don’t want something casual. I’m serious about finding love and that’s why I only want to date men who are looking for the same thing.
  6. I’m not bored enough to entertain an almost relationship. Almost-relationships are for people who don’t have enough to satisfy them right now but they still don’t want a relationship. I don’t feel that way. I’m perfectly content with my life the way it is. Sure, I would love to find a great guy, but I’m not going to force myself to hang out with someone I’m in a non-relationship with just because I’m bored. I love my life and I’m way too good for behavior like that.
  7. I’m too strong to be treated like crap. I’ll never let a man walk all over me, and agreeing to an almost-relationship or undefined relationship is doing just that. Guys don’t get to use me. They don’t get the benefits of a relationship without actually committing to one. I won’t put up with that kind of BS and I don’t think anyone else should either.
  8. I don’t have commitment issues and I don’t date men who do. If a man has a fear of commitment, I’m definitely not the right girl for him. I have no sympathy in that department because honestly, I think it’s just an excuse guys use to play the field. They like to keep their options open and I have no interest in being just an option.
  9. I don’t want to waste my time. I’m busy AF, so I don’t have any spare time for a guy I’m not serious about or who isn’t serious about me. I’ll make time for the right guy, but not for just any guy. I’m sick of wasting my precious time on guys that don’t take me seriously. I want to be single or I want to be in a relationship and in my mind, anything else is just a waste of time.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.