It’s So Hard To Find A Guy, It’s Like The Universe Is Trying To Tell Me Something

­Being single by choice is a great option. It’s a good time to work on yourself and focus on getting goals accomplished. But what happens when you’ve leveled up and decide you actually do want a relationship, only to end up stuck in your search? Here are 10 obstacles I faced when I was done living my best life solo and ready to step back out in the dating scene.

  1. I’m barely even matching with guys on dating apps. The first week of reactivating my dating app accounts was a complete nightmare. I would get beyond flooded with all types of messages ranging from basic and boring hellos to the typical buildup to an unsolicited picture of an eggplant shaped nature. Now I’m just mindlessly swiping left one after another, not even minimally sparked by interest. Even someone I know is in a serious relationship from online dating and here I am, turning up nothing and continuing to hope to stumble across a diamond in the rough one day.
  2. Even seemingly “nice, boring guys” turn out to be duds. I once fell victim to the superficial allure of the “bad boy” type. Now that I’m older and wiser, players just aren’t my thing anymore. I finally met a guy who was really into church and thought I had found a potential winner. Turns out he was no different from the rest. The only evidence of his religious values was praying before we ate our meals. The double life and standards that came with it were so real and he was just as into the dating games as any other joker.
  3. People way younger than me are engaged and getting married. It’s kind of embarrassing to see all these happy early-to-mid 20-year-olds doing engagement photoshoots together and planning their cutesy weddings. I feel like an old cat lady who doesn’t even have cats, which in a way may be worse since I’m just that much lonelier. I never saw myself as being the cool Aunt who never marries and I definitely don’t want to grow old alone, so what gives?
  4. I can’t even put up a social media front. I just started a new job and have been super guilty of scoping out my coworkers via Facebook, so I know it’s either been done or going to be done back to me. I hate assumptions based on appearance, but I know when I see a nice coordinating family photo on someone’s page it makes me think they might have their crap together in life. I wish for that purpose I could quietly blend in with my cut and paste “Leave It To Beaver” profile pic instead of just a selfie.
  5. Guys online and in-person are no different lately. I used to think online dating bred weirdos and lames, but the last couple of years, I’ve dated guys I met in person and through apps and have had no luck either way. The dating pool, virtual and in the streets, just sucks across the board. My chances are slim everywhere I turn.
  6. It’s supposed to happen when you’re least looking. I completely put dating on hold for two straight years and even then, my soulmate did not come. Now I’m actively looking again, and luck just hasn’t been on my side just yet. So, what’s the magic formula here, cause I’m running low on hope.
  7. My horoscope doesn’t even match. I keep turning to the stars to see when my love life is supposed to pick up. Yet every time my readings claim things will take off for me, I have brief luck with someone I’m talking to then it quickly fizzles out right after. I need put-a-ring-on-it-till-death-do-us-part type success, not just guys-who-aren’t-meant-for-me-in-the-long-run-putting-in-temporary-effort type wins.
  8. I haven’t even been hit on lately. I hate being cat-called in the streets, but now that it’s not happening, I’m starting to doubt myself a little. Have I let myself go or something? What does it say about me if even the creeps don’t want me anymore? I went from feeling like I had to protect myself to feeling self-conscious and unnoticed out in public.
  9. I barely even make it to first dates these days, let alone second. Dating has just become so undesirable and exhausting to me. I’m basically at the point of being willing to agree to an arranged marriage. It’s essentially turned into starting to talk to someone, finding out they’re lame, then the whole thing fading out. That, or thinking everything is great and being ghosted for no reason. There are so many guys who I just start one convo with, and it goes nowhere. Am I becoming that much pickier? Then there are the guys I meet up with one time and that’s that. Did I peak? Did my prime dating years come and go without me noticing? It is really all downhill from here?
  10. My phone has never been drier. I used to juggle talking to at least a couple of different guys at any one time. I knew I could count on one of them to fulfill my daily “good morning/goodnight” texts and definitely on my birthday and major holidays would hear from someone. Now I’m pretty much paying for a clock and way to check my email on the go.
I’m Cara, not to be confused with Carrie, although you could say I’m a Millennial Bradshaw of sorts. Pop culture connoisseur. Lover of all things creative and passionate about health and personal well-being. Follow me on IG @cara_vale_writer