Why It’s Harder To Dump Someone Than Be Dumped

Why It’s Harder To Dump Someone Than Be Dumped ©iStock/PeopleImages

As complicated as they can be, breakups are a part of life. And while most people prefer not to get dumped, it can actually be harder to be on the side of initiating the breakup. Here are some reasons why it’s harder to dump someone than be dumped:

  1. You’re making one decision for two people. There’s enough pressure involved just trying to choose the best dinner spot for someone else, let alone defining their relationship status. You might be clear about what you want, but he might not be on the same page.
  2. You realize you’re hurting him. Occasionally, breakups are mutual, but in general, the dumper is going to do a little damage. Knowing that doesn’t feel great, especially if you know you’re really going to hurt him.
  3. You can’t blame him. At least when you get dumped, you can grieve fully since it’s out of your control. When you’re in control of the breakup, you have to take the heat because you made it official, even if the ball was rolling in that direction for ages.
  4. You have time to overthink and change your mind. You know you need to break it off, but your mind is flipping back and forth playing devil’s advocate and making you wonder whether you know what you’re doing at all.
  5. He might not accept your decision. Sometimes people don’t take no for an answer, so you have to sit there in agony, repeating your reasons over and over.
  6. You know it’s coming. Some days are better than others for breakups, and if you’re waiting for the right moment, you’re probably not going to feel at ease until it actually happens. There goes your sleep for the week.
  7. You don’t want to make a mistake. What if you go through with the breakup and then realize that you made a huge mistake and can’t take it back? The idea is enough to have you stalling for ages.
  8. You don’t want him to be mad at you. Obviously he’s not going to celebrate you in that moment, but you just hope that he can understand you and move on cleanly without putting your face on a voodoo doll.
  9. You don’t want your mutual friends to be mad at you. Friends have their own thoughts about your relationships that are formed by their own experiences, so they might think they get it, but sometimes they don’t. You don’t want to be perceived as the “bad guy” in the group.
  10. You have to take responsibility. Breaking up means owning up. As much as you might prefer to hide out and hire someone to carry out the breakup for you, you can’t. Since no one else is going to handle it, it all falls on you.
  11. You can’t play the victim. Getting dumped sure does gather a lot more sympathy than dumping someone does. People expect you to feel ready and ready to get your flirt, when in actuality you feel really emotional about it.
  12. It’s really weird to see him move on. It’s no less shocking to see him move on with another girl, which can feel particularly feel weird when he seems so happy.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog ThatsRandomKate.blogspot.com