The Ultimate “He Hasn’t Texted Back” Survival Guide

You text a guy you’ve been dating or just started talking to, and what do you get in response? Radio silence. You wonder: Did he read it? Is he just busy? Maybe he didn’t get it. Does he like me? Was it because I said I liked thin crust pizza? Maybe he’s a regular crust guy. Wait! Maybe he got into an accident. What if he’s in the hospital? I should for sure text again, right? Let me just ask my bestie... and then you send her a screenshot and before you know it, you’re completely losing your mind wondering why this guy has gone MIA. Stop! Here’s what to do when he hasn’t texted back.

Try not to obsess. This part is hard, I get it. However, it’s important to remember that people do have lives. Even if we think we should be a priority when it comes to communication, it’s possible that he doesn’t see it that way just yet. There are plenty of possible explanations for why he hasn’t texted back. He could be busy with work, visiting his family, out with his friends, anything. Before you jump to conclusions, take a deep breath and try to maintain your grip on reality.

Don’t immediately assume he’s lost interest. Just because he hasn’t texted you back doesn’t mean he’s not interested. Again, letting your mind run away with you here will do nothing but drive you crazy. Your worst fears likely aren’t representative of reality and you’re doing yourself a disservice by assuming you know his feelings when you don’t.

For the love of God, don’t text him. Don’t double text him, triple text him, quadruple text him, anything. He hasn’t responded yet because he’s not ready to. Continuing to message him isn’t likely to get you a response any sooner. In fact, it’s probably just going to annoy the guy and make him not want to respond to you at all.

Resist the urge to confront him about his radio silence. Not only should you not send him random extra texts to try to get his attention, but you certainly shouldn’t be confrontational. Accusing him of ignoring you (even if you try to do it in that jokey way that definitely seems serious anyway) or telling him off for not messaging you in what you believe to be a timely manner will get you a one-way ticket off his contacts list, so take it easy there, cowgirl.

Keep yourself occupied. Do something to distract yourself from your phone. Cook something, binge watch Netflix, make yourself a drink, go for a walk, call a friend and go for a coffee or read something — anything to get your mind off the fact that he hasn’t texted. You have a life of your own you’ve been living just fine, so the lack of another human responding to you shouldn’t control or alter your regular routine.

Start a new project. You know those big tasks you’ve been putting off like re-organizing the closet or cleaning out the pantry? Here’s a perfect time to start. Not only will you keep distracted, but you’re also improving your space as well. De-cluttering doubles as brain therapy. You could also finally start working on that story you wanted to write/painting you wanted to paint or anything else that you’ve been meaning to do but haven’t so far.

Let him see how much fun you’re having without him. Is this a high school mind game? Yep. Does it work? Also yep. If he’s into you or sort of undecided, seeing you on Instagram out there living your best life is going to send the message that you’re totally unbothered and you can take or leave him. If he’s interested, he’s going to have to make a move and start being consistent. Otherwise, you’ve got plenty of fun stuff going on without him.

Don’t fish for information. It’s easy to feel like stalking his Instagram and Facebook accounts for clues to what he’s been up to or why he’s not texting you might make you feel better but it probably won’t. If he wanted you to know what he was up to, he would. When have you ever looked for answers and gotten the one you wanted? Remain chill. If you follow each other on social media, you might naturally see that he’s been on a work retreat or that he’s been hanging out with his sister, but don’t go on a deep dive.

Keep your options open. You’re not in a relationship with this guy, so the fact that he hasn’t texted you back is more of a blessing than anything else. It’s a signal that you should keep getting to know other people and keep your options open. You never know, you might end up meeting someone that you like better than this dude anyway.

Remind yourself of your worth. Whether or not a guy texts you back has nothing to do with your worth. You’re not deficient, there’s nothing wrong with you, and there’s nothing else you could/should be doing to get this guy to be more engaged with you. It’s so important that you don’t equate a guy’s interest in you with your self-worth. They’re not related in any way.

Don’t accept his BS excuses if and when he does get in touch. If he does finally get in touch after several days or even weeks and offers feeble excuses for why he couldn’t be bothered to send you a quick message, don’t just take it lying down. While you don’t need to be overly confrontational about it, there’s nothing wrong with setting boundaries and letting him know that you’d appreciate more regular contact in future, even if it’s just to say he’s busy and will get in touch later. You have better things to do than wait around for him to decide he can be bothered to message you.

Forget him. After a week or so, it’s time to just forget him. No, seriously. Forget about him and move on. He may contact you again or he may not. In modern dating, people go MIA all the time and even though it sucks, it’s the norm now. He might have a legit excuse or he might just be the type of jerk who can’t pay you the common courtesy of letting you know what’s up. No contact or reply is a new way of saying “I’m not into you.”

Trust the process. Guys will test you with the texting game, and make no mistake, it’s all about seeing how you’ll respond.  If you follow the above tips, remain chill, and keep living your life, when and if he does eventually get back to you, you won’t be fazed. if he doesn’t, well, you’ve already completed the first steps towards moving on with your life, player-free.

For more advice on what to do when he hasn’t texted back, check out this video from dating and relationship expert and psychologist Antonio Borrello below.

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