I Hate It When Guys Hit On Me—I’ve Never Once Dated A Guy Who Made The First Move

OK, I’ll say it: I’m reasonably attractive and when I go out I get hit on a lot. Sounds like the perfect night out to you? It’s a total nightmare for me. I actually find being hit on really stressful and it makes me want to just hide at home forever. Here’s why.

  1. I go out to hang out with my friends, not find a guy. I hate that everywhere is a meat market now. I’m fed up of guys assuming I’d be interested just because I happen to be dressed up and enjoying a drink at a bar. Sometimes I just want to enjoy the company of the people I came with. That’s why I came with them! I’ve had guys actually force themselves into conversations I was having with my girlfriends just to hit on me. What’s with that?
  2. Nowhere is safe. Bars and clubs have a rich history of being places where people hook up, I get it. But it seems you can’t go anywhere nowadays without some dude throwing some chat up lines at you. The subway? You’re a captive audience. The park? Sure, who doesn’t want to fall in love with a creepy stranger in a park? Even hiding in the library doesn’t help: that’s where men come to hit on smart women, apparently! You can’t go anywhere in public without guys trying it on.
  3. Sometimes I just want to be on my own. When I want company, I look for it myself. When I’m on my own, it’s usually because I’m enjoying some peace and quiet. Most of the time when some random stranger crashes into my space to hit on me, it’s an imposition, not a welcome interaction.
  4. I’m actually really happy being single. There are times in my life when I just want to be alone and concentrate on my own shit. For some reason, it’s that attitude that seems to make me irresistible to guys. You can always tell when I’m not looking for a boyfriend, cause that’s when I get hit on the most.
  5. I like to be the one who makes the decision. It takes me a while to decide I like someone and it doesn’t happen often.  I’ve never once had a guy hit on me who I was actually interested in, simply because I’m not interested in most guys. When I do find someone I like, I definitely try not to waste that opportunity. The rest of the time? I’d rather be alone than just date for the sake of it.
  6. I hate being put on the spot. I just don’t know what to do with myself when someone hits on me. I feel like a deer caught in the headlights. One minute I’m minding my own business, and the next I owe someone an answer and a social interaction I didn’t ask for. I just find the whole thing super stressful.
  7. I hate coming up with excuses. Simply saying you’re not interested doesn’t always go down well with your hopeful suitors, does it? Nothing bruises faster than a man’s ego. So instead, I have to quickly come up with a nicer reason for not wanting to date this total stranger who’s somehow decided I owe him my time. I’m a crappy liar, so I always feel like I’m making things worse, too.
  8. It’s really tacky. Let’s face it, most male attempts at catching a woman’s attention are pretty boring. We put up with it as a gender because sometimes we find the bumbling idiot attractive. But if, like me, you’re not interested in most guys, all that’s left are silly one-liners and a whole load of alpha male posturing.
  9. I like shy guys. The guys I’ve ended up in long-term relationships didn’t hit on me because they were afraid of rejection and are just generally introverted. I had to make the move or nothing would have happened. I’m fine with that because that’s actually my type.
  10. Guys who hit on me always get me wrong and are disappointed when they get to know me. I don’t know what it is about me that sends guys the wrong message, but back when I still occasionally said yes when guys asked me out, it never went beyond the first date. Once we started talking, they quickly realized I wasn’t the girl they were looking for. Now I just save both of us time and say no from the start.
  11. I’m a better judge of who’s suitable for me. Every time I asked a guy out, it turned out to be a success. Well, at least to the extent that we dated for a long time. I definitely have a better track record with guys I choose than with guys who choose me.
  12. I like to date guys I already know. I usually end up with friends of friends, people I work with, people I meet in class and other people I’ve become friends with before hooking up. I need to have some sort of intellectual connection with a guy before I become interested. For obvious reasons, this is not the case with random guys who come up to me in public.
  13. I’d rather be rejected than reject someone else. Rejection sucks. Some people handle it really badly. I know I can deal with the pain, so I’d rather take it on myself than subject someone else to it. Unfortunately, when guys hit on me, I have to dish it out every single time. I really wish they just got the hint and left me the hell alone.
Writer, artist, intrepid traveler and lover of cats, cheese and techno music. Preferably not all at the same time.
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