I Hate Sexting—I Don’t Get What The Appeal Is

Sleeping with a guy doesn’t automatically mean I’m down for whatever other dirty stuff he can dream up. I’m not a picture sender or a video taker—that stuff can end up all over the internet! I also don’t sext, period—here’s why:

  1. It feels unnatural to me. It’s just not who I am, and any guy who dates me needs to accept it. I’m not that girl. Yeah, I’m very physically affectionate and I love sex, but I’m not big on anything that makes me feel like I’m the subject of an adult sex movie. I’ve tried to sext in the past and it just made me feel gross and resentful.
  2. I feel stupid doing it. Because it’s not a sexy act in my eyes, I never know what to say. Am I doing it right? I don’t know if my awkwardness doesn’t come across or if guys are just so selfishly involved in their own needs that they don’t care. Either way, I don’t enjoy it and so why would I do it? I’m only into engaging in activities that make both parties happy.
  3. I don’t find it sexy in the least. I don’t buy into the idea that if I do it, I’ll start liking it or it’ll be hot with the right person. Maybe the right person for me won’t want to do it either, how about that? It doesn’t turn me on. It doesn’t do a damn thing for me except annoy me and make me want to puke a little in my mouth.
  4. I hate penis pics. I’m usually all about reciprocity, but not on that front. I don’t want to send naked pictures because I don’t want them in return. Getting a penis pic will actually kill any desire I have to have sex in that moment. If I’m dating the guy, I already know what his penis looks like. There’s no way he’s going to make it look fancy. What’s he going to do, put a little bowtie on it?
  5. Guys usually suck at sexting anyway. I think this is why I hate it the most—it’s so obviously for the guy’s benefit and the guy’s benefit only. Nothing a guy has ever sexted me has made me hot and bothered. It might’ve made me roll my eyes at best. Men are generally bad at talking dirty in a way that turns on a woman because they don’t understand that what turns them on doesn’t necessarily do the same for us.
  6. It doesn’t ever help me get off. I’m not trying to sound selfish, but honestly, what’s in it for me? It’s difficult enough to find a dude who cares more about getting me off than getting himself off when we’re physically together. If sexting doesn’t turn me on or aid me in my own, ahem, personal sexual pursuits, I see no point.
  7. The actual physical act is way hotter. Don’t sext me—just have sex with me! Seriously! Get over here and get to it! Why waste time when we can just do the real thing? If I’m already sleeping with a guy, that’s what I want to do—sleep with him, well and often. I don’t want to have to sext as a sad alternative because I’m dating someone I never see.
  8. I’m a fan of subtlety. One of my biggest problems with sexting is that men are generally too blunt and have no imagination. This ends up coming across gross and is extremely off-putting. It’s so much hotter to allude to things and build up tension than to just blatantly state dirty stuff, but no one ever does this, so I’ll continue to opt out.
  9. It’s hotter to do … just about anything else. I’m a woman—I don’t really need any kind of verbal cues to get in the mood. If I’m alone, my imagination works just fine. If I know I’m going to see my boyfriend later, that’s anticipation enough. Him texting me what he’s going to do to me—usually in a very unsexy way—does nothing to make me hornier. He’s better off keeping his mouth shut and just taking care of me when I see him.
  10. Sexting always feels demeaning to me. It’s very difficult for me to engage in any long-distance sexual activity without feeling like an object. The element of technology makes it seem like watching online sex. I feel icky when I do it, even if it’s over Skype or somewhere I can actually see someone. Just sexting is even worse. I feel like I’m being used as a tool for a man to get off and it doesn’t really matter that it’s me.
  11. It’s too much like watching sex online! I don’t dig anything sex-related. I think that the adult sex movie industry is ruining men for real sex and the problem has gotten progressively worse. No one knows how to treat a real live woman’s body anymore! It’s BS and I’m not down for it. I’m therefore very sensitive to anything that makes me feel like I’m being treated as a sexualized object. Sexting is definitely one of those things.
  12. I actually resent it when a guy sexts me. It makes me feel cheap and disrespected. There should be prior discussion of what we are into and what turns us on or off. If he tries, and I shut him down, and he persists, then I’m usually pretty much over it. I’m not going to engage in it and I am not going to encourage it. I would understand if he was under the impression that I like it, but I never give anyone that impression.
  13. I don’t trust men who ask for pictures via text. Part of sexting, generally, is the exchange of pictures. In addition to the fact that penis pics do nothing for me, I also don’t trust a man to keep naked pictures of me safe and secure. If I’m giving my body to a man, that should be enough. He shouldn’t need pictures of it also. What, did he already forget what it looks like?
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.