I never like going for drinks on a date, especially a first date, because I’m so easily put off by dudes under the influence of alcohol. Here are 10 reasons I’d rather meet for coffee instead.
- I worry he won’t hold his liquor. Gosh, is there anything worse than a guy who has a few drinks and starts acting like a total jerk or idiot? I end up sitting there rolling my eyes and wanting to get the bill so I can GTFO of the bar or restaurant and I end up wishing the date had never happened.
- I want him to focus. I like talking to people when we’re both totally sober. I don’t care if he’s just a little tipsy, I want to be sure that he’s 100% tuned-in on me and our conversation so we can establish whether or not there’s a connection there.
- I feel like I’m giving more of myself than he is. I’ve made an effort to be on the date and I don’t want to feel that I’m the one investing more in it by being sober and well put-together. If he’s keen on throwing back drinks and having fun, it’s clear that the focus isn’t on having great conversation or getting to know me. He’s just in it for a good time.
- I don’t want to be judged. I don’t drink—ever—and it makes some people give me weird looks while others think I’ve got some huge problem. There are even a few people who will immediately think that I’m boring AF. I don’t want to have to go through all the reasons why I don’t drink or be questioned about my lack of drinking habits. That can come later, in a more casual way. If we don’t meet for booze on the first date then we don’t have to have that conversation.
- I don’t want to be the only sober one. Even though I don’t drink, I don’t want to be the only sober one at the table or bar. It feels like I’m sitting by myself, not laughing as hard as my date about something he said, and having to grin and bear it while he goes off on a tangent that doesn’t make sense but might’ve if I’d also had three tequilas.
- I don’t want to go back to his place. Booze can be a slippery slope back to his place, and it might even give him the liquid courage he needs to ask if I’d like to go home with him. Ugh. Each to their own, but I don’t want to take things to the bedroom on the first date, especially not if he’s not even sober enough to remember it the next morning. Besides, this was supposed to be a date, not a hookup.
- I don’t want to get to know some puffed-up version of the guy. Booze can do many different things to people. It can make them more flirtatious or outgoing. The guy might be quite shy but then become more confident and talkative after a few drinks in him. Screw that. I don’t want to see that version of him. I want to see the real him. I’d hate going on a second date only to see that he’s totally different from the guy I liked when he was tipsy or drunk. What a letdown.
- I don’t want someone who can’t be sober for one date. Here’s another thing: if he can’t get through one date with someone without drinking then he’s not the guy for me. He might also have a drinking problem. Look, I know that first dates are scary for everyone, but he should at least be comfortable enough to come as he is instead of needing to wear masks.
- It means dinner might be off the table. I’d rather go for dinner on a first date instead of hitting the bar for drinks. I want to sit down with someone for longer than 10 minutes and actually have a conversation with him. I also want to know that, freaked out as he might be about meeting me, he’s not going to run for cover behind music in a club or alcohol at the pub. But if he’s insistent on meeting for drinks, then clearly he doesn’t want to make that investment in actually getting to know me.
- It means he can leave whenever he wants. He might want to head to a party halfway into the date, and by not having dinner or being at a movie with me, he can do that easy-peasy without worrying about getting trapped on our date. Now, I’m all for making quick exits on a first date if need be, but if I’ve been chatting to the guy online and we know each other somewhat before the date, I don’t want to feel like I’m just “a few drinks with some girl” before he goes out to the real party later.
