I Hated Sex Until I Started Doing These 10 Things

Sex used to be a burden for me. I tried dating different guys, hoping it might make a difference, but I began to think that sex just might not be my thing. Feeling like I had nothing to lose, I took matters into my own hands and just started trying anything I could think of, and the results were shocking. Here’s what I did to change things:

  1. Initiated eye contact I always thought eye contact was just for couples who were really emotionally intimate and committed to each other, but it turns out it can turn the heat up like crazy, even with a one-night stand. Looking at someone directly brings you right into the moment and shows you’re totally confident and ready to make this experience hot AF. It’s impossible not to get crazy turned on when your eyes connect and it makes you totally unforgettable in bed.
  2. Got serious about blowjobs Blowjobs can be just as awesome for the person giving them as it is for the person receiving them. It’s easy to assume that giving head is all about the guy, but if you take your time and really focus on all the little sensations going on in your own body, you’ll be astonished at how much it can turn you on too. Also, let’s face it, giving a blowjob can be the ultimate power move, and it’s always nice to assert your prowess and confidence.
  3. Started taking my makeup off Every girl knows what it’s like to get home with a new guy looking bomb as hell yet knowing all along that by morning, your makeup is going to go all over the place and leave you looking like a half melted gargoyle. In order to avoid the dreaded “morning after” look, I started taking off my makeup the second I walked in the door with someone, or better yet, not wearing any to begin with. It made a huge difference not only in my appearance the next morning but in my level of confidence as well. As it turns out, guys don’t give a crap.
  4. Focused on my actions instead of my appearance With sex, it’s all about what your body does than what it looks like. If you’ve ever slept with a ridiculously hot partner, you know that looks definitely aren’t everything. The more confidence you display in the bedroom, the hotter the sex is going to be. Ignore whatever voices you might have telling you to think about what you look like. It doesn’t matter. Being fully present in your body makes every sensation a hundred times stronger.
  5. Made mundane activities sexy It’s one thing to have a super hot sex life in the bedroom, but what about bringing the heat to the rest of your daily life to make it even more exciting? Start with sending or even just taking nudes of yourself. Compose sexts in your mind while grocery shopping, and send them to your partner while they’re at work. Wear lingerie under your work clothes to your next board meeting or lunch date. Keeping yourself a tiny bit aroused throughout the day makes the event itself that much hotter. It worked for me!
  6. Allowed myself to be single for awhile Sometimes you just have to take a step back and reset. It’s so easy to lose sight of what you actually want when you’re concerned with trying to make someone else feel good, but let’s be real: you’re the only thing that matters. Guys are really good at taking care of themselves already—they don’t need your help. You’re the one who deserves all of your attention. Being single for a bit can help you focus on yourself so that when you jump back into the dating pool, you’ll be your number one priority, as you should be.
  7. Took orgasms into my own hands… literally Orgasms can be a tricky thing for some women. It took me literal years before a guy was able to make me come. So why not take charge of the situation and do it yourself? Once I asked myself that question, I realized I was wasting time. There’s nothing hotter than getting yourself off, and having your partner watch can be an awesome way to get you both aroused. He might learn a few things too.
  8. Chose who I slept with instead of the other way around I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had sex with someone just because he was cute and nice and clearly wanted to have sex with me. But have you ever tried approaching someone yourself? It changes the dynamic completely, at least it did in my mind. Whenever I was the one to make the first move, I knew I was out to make myself happy, and I became so much more aware of getting what I wanted, and not simply giving him what he wanted.
  9. Had a few one-night stands While meaningful relationships are great to have, one-night stands can be an awesome way to experiment and find your own sexual identity. If you’re never going to see the person again, you can be whatever version of yourself you want to be, and discover what works best for you so you know what you like and what to ask for when you do find someone you want to stay with for awhile.
  10. Focused on my own pleasure I’m so tired of guys who think women are supposed to give pleasure and not expect it in return. It’s the 21st century, guys. We’re over that. But I spent a long time thinking that the more pleasure I gave to a guy, the better the sex was. That’s total bullsh*t. Seriously, ladies, if you’ve ever felt similarly, it’s time to get down and dirty with what really matters, which is you.
Rose Nolan is a writer and editor from Austin, TX who focuses on all things female and fabulous. She has a Bachelor of Arts in Theater from the University of Surrey and a Master's Degree in Law from the University of Law. She’s been writing professional since 2015 and, in addition to her work for Bolde, she’s also written for Ranker and Mashed. She's published articles on topics ranging from travel, higher education, women's lifestyle, law, food, celebrities, and more.