You’ve been through relationships before and maybe even said the three most important words you could muster: “I love you.” But now, with a clear head and some distance, you’re wondering if the love was real. Have you ever been in love for real or were you just having fun in the relationship? Did you actually put your heart on the line? There are specific ways you feel when you’re in love with someone, and looking back can help you figure out if what you had was the real deal. Ask yourself these questions to get to the bottom of it.
- Is there anyone you still think about? If you weren’t in love, there’s a good chance that you think about reality TV drama or your favorite books more often than that past relationship. If it was really love, you’ll think about the person even years later. The littlest things will remind you of them. It may be annoying to have constant reminders of your ex, but it’s also kind of romantic, right?
- Did you lose yourself in the relationship? While it may not be the healthiest thing in the world, love often makes you set aside nearly everything else in your life for the emotional contact you get from your lover. You disappeared from your friends and spent all your time with your mate. Looking back at your relationships, was there ever someone that you seemed to obsess over? Though it’s not a sign of a healthy relationship, this is a sign that you might have been in love and just didn’t quite know what to do with yourself–especially if this isn’t how you acted in your other relationships.
- Did your relationship stand out among all others? If you’ve had several relationships up until now, a great way to figure out if you’ve been in love is to compare your relationship with your exes. If there’s one that stands out among the others, that still gives you butterflies when the memories of the others don’t, that could have been love. Honestly, being in love just feels different.
- Do you compare your potential lost love to the movies? You know as well as everyone else that the love stories in romantic comedy movies aren’t exactly realistic. Yet, if you’re comparing a past relationship to the ones you’re seeing in the movies–especially if you’re doing it in a positive way–then you’ve got something to think about. Not only were you probably in love, but you’re also definitely not over it.
- Do you compare every new person you meet to the one who got away? “He seems nice enough, but he’s not Jason.” Rather than comparing new relationships to fictional couples, you may be comparing all of them to one specific ex. If none of the new guys hold a candle to your ex, then there’s your answer. You were in love with him! Hopefully someday soon you can find someone even better than the one that got away.
- How quickly did you get over it once your relationship was over? You can be in the middle of a relationship and feel like you’re so totally and completely in love, but you won’t know how true that is until you break up. Did you get over it after just a month or two? Then you probably were just infatuated and not really in love. But if you’re still holding onto the hurt for a year or more, you can file that ex under the “love” column.
- Would you still take them back? Even after all this time, after dating new people and seeing your past relationship with more clarity, would you still take your ex back? Has the good outweighed the bad? While a “yes” doesn’t automatically mean you were in love, it’s certainly a sign. (And maybe you should try to get back together!)
- Do you still wonder? If, after all these questions and soul-searching, you’re still not sure if you were in love, you already have your answer. Love is sure. While you may have been in the process of falling for your ex, it looks like you might never have landed into “love” territory. That’s okay! Just because you haven’t gotten there in the past doesn’t mean you won’t get there in the future. And guess what? You can always spend time loving yourself.
