When you first start seriously dating someone new, you’re full of optimism and hope for a shared future. However, it’s not uncommon to eventually outgrow your relationship no matter how good it is. Here’s how you know yours has run its course.
You stop finding things exciting. When the relationship started, you were always excited to try new things together and to be integrated into your partner’s world. However, after years of falling into the routine of couple life, everything starts to seem a little too regular and nothing excites you anymore. Sure, the honeymoon phase can’t last forever, but if your comfort turns into boredom, there’s a problem.
He doesn’t challenge you anymore. While you don’t want to be with someone who’s constantly contradicting everything you say, you do want someone who can challenge your point of view or push you to step out of your comfort zone. When that stops happening, the relationship becomes complacent and doesn’t serve you anymore. Dating someone who either agrees with you for the sake of keeping the peace or who just doesn’t care enough to engage isn’t a good sign.
You don’t have engaging conversations. At the beginning of a relationship, pillow talks are endless and nights in together spark interesting conversations as you discover and are intrigued by each others’ way of thinking. Obviously you don’t need to get deep and philosophical 24/7, but if you find that you’re no longer having conversations that stimulate you or hold your interest, it might be better to move on.
You no longer check in with each other. As you get caught up in your daily grind, you might be too tired or simply too busy to be super attentive to your partner on some days. Still, it’s important to check in from time to time to see what’s up with them and if they’re OK. If you find that sending a quick text during the day doesn’t even cross your mind anymore, it’s clear your relationship is far from a top priority.
You don’t look forward to spending time together. As time passes, you realize that spending time together and having date time is no longer exciting. You enjoy the comfort of having someone around to have sex with and feel close to, but other than that, everything else seems boring or annoying. You’d much rather spend time with your friends, and you even begin to feel FOMO for the single life.
There’s no spontaneity involved anymore. When you started dating, you’d think of new things to try together, plan vacations, and squeeze in some couple time even when you were both busy. Now you spend more and more time apart and make fewer plans together. It starts to feel like you’re living separate lives and frankly, you kind of like it that way.
You’re jealous of other couples. You used to enjoy spending time with other couples, but lately, the thought of hanging around your couple friends is dreadful. You and your partner seem less in sync than the other couples, you’re not as affectionate, and other couples’ interactions begin to look like a clear reflection of everything you no longer have in your relationship. It sucks.
The future with them doesn’t excite you. When you talk about the future, you no longer picture it with your partner. Instead, you have a list of things you’d rather do and goals you’d like to accomplish on your own. It’s healthy to keep your independence in a relationship, but when you’re thinking of serious life changes without consideration for how they might affect your partner, then maybe it’s time to end things instead of dragging them out.
Romance is predictable. During your first year of the relationship, you’d both make romantic gestures, give thoughtful gifts, and try and make each other feel special. However, now you realize you’re doing the same things out of habit and no extra effort is being put in to surprise your partner (or vice versa). You can almost predict what each anniversary or holiday together will be like and the sex is boring. You’re going through the motions, and in a relationship, that’s never a good thing.
You don’t miss your partner. When you go for long stretches of time without seeing each other, you’re pretty much unaffected. Back in the day, you’d always talk on the phone every day if one of you was away, but now you don’t even notice. You get on with your life whether or not the other person is around. Life is a little better when they’re around, you guess, but you’re fine either way. Yep, you’ve outgrown your relationship.
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