I Haven’t Had Sex In So Long That The Idea Of Intimacy Seriously Freaks Me Out

Dry spell—the two words that can shake a girl’s confidence to the core and make her question whether she’ll ever see a penis again. As someone who’s been involuntarily celibate for way too long, I’m terrified of hooking up. I’ve totally forgotten what to expect and how to handle myself and it’s freaking me out.

  1. No, it’s not like riding a bike. While some say that having sex is like riding a bike, I wholeheartedly believe that you forget things. When I was sexually active, I had my flow of moves I could do blindfolded. Being in a dry spell for so long, however, has made me lose all of it. Forget biking—sex is more like dancing: you still sort of remember how to do it on some level, but you look clumsy AF once you pick it up and need time to adjust.
  2. I’ve lost my imagination in foreplay. I used to be the queen of foreplay. After a long dry spell, I’m totally terrified of it. I don’t feel sexy and I’m not sure how to entice him into it. In fact, if I ever have sex again, I’d rather just skip the foreplay and get straight to it. That will be less embarrassing than struggling with my lack of confidence.
  3. Is 69 still a thing? And is oral sex still what men want? How would I know? Not having sex for a while has made me lose track of what’s hot in sex these days. Should I be doing crazy yoga poses? Perhaps missionary is back in style? I’ll need him to ease me into sex again and tell me what he wants. I’ll be lucky if he’s actually okay with doing most of the work because if he isn’t, I’m doomed.
  4. Does he really want me or am I just too horny? The more I flirt and have sex, the more I’m capable of telling whether someone likes me. All of that intuition goes out the window after a long dry spell. Being horny can easily confuse me into thinking that a guy likes me, while from outside it just looks like I’m thirsty AF. I’m scared of messing up the two and looking stupid.
  5. I’m afraid that it will be super painful and uncomfortable. That’s because having a long dry spell is kind of like becoming a virgin again, right? I get intimidated by the thought of physical pain and the weird sensation of a penis after so long. Losing my virginity once sucked and I’m terrified of going through it again. I seriously hope that I don’t end up flinching because that would be the biggest mood killer of all time.
  6. I worry that I’m not capable of orgasms anymore. I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I don’t get there, he’ll know it. If that’s the case, he’ll probably think it was his fault and then I’d have to explain that it’s just my dry spell. That’s a recipe for a total awkward disaster. What’s even worse is the fear that I may never be able to climax with a partner again.
  7. I’ve lost my endurance. Sex is largely muscle memory. It’s like running—if you run a few times a week, you last longer with time. If you don’t, then you get winded and fail within five minutes. While I was once able to last for an hour or more, I’m afraid I’ll be out in five minutes now and he’ll think I’m terrible in bed.
  8. Should I ask this guy to date me? After all, if he saves me from my miserable dry spell, he’s got to be special. I’m afraid that I’ll end up confusing him finding me attractive with the idea that I have been holding out for this guy. I don’t want to end up with the wrong man just because he got me laid when I needed it.
  9. I’m not sure I look good naked anymore. I mean, I knew that I did before my dry spell because men would compliment me. Now, however, no one has seen me naked in a long time besides the bathroom mirror. I don’t know what to trust anymore. What if my boobs got smaller? What if my ass got too big? I’m getting shivers of fear just thinking about it. Would it be socially acceptable to have sex with my clothes on after a long dry spell?
  10. I get too hung up on why I had a dry spell in the first place. Having a dry spell for a young, attractive girl isn’t really a normal thing. I question why I ended up in this situation. Maybe I have trust issues? What if sex is just not my thing? Besides, how do I decide who to have sex with after a long time of abstinence? Does he have to be someone I truly like or can it just be a random guy at the bar? There are just too many things to think about.
Dayana is a passionate traveler who's been navigating foreign lands and confusing relationships since she was 16. You can read more of her work on Matador Network and her blog, Dee Across The Sea.