I Haven’t Had Sex In A Year & I’m Slowly Going Crazy

I really like sex and I definitely never meant to go a year without having it — it just happened that way. I’d just gotten out of a long relationship and needed some time to recover, so I figured I’d just settle back into being solo for a little while. At first it wasn’t so bad and I actually didn’t even realize that I’d essentially become celibate. After a while, however, it got really annoying. Here’s how it went down:

  1. At first, I was too sad to even think about sex. I was newly single and dying of heartbreak. I could barely make myself get out of bed or eat, let alone even consider the idea of sleeping with someone. Even the thought made me break down into tears because all I wanted to do was be back in bed with my ex. If I couldn’t have him, I didn’t want anyone.
  2. Then I was too numb. Once you get past the deep, heartrending initial pain, you settle into a sort of quiet and constant sadness. I felt like a completely asexual being. I didn’t want anything to do with having physical contact with any man. Not only did I stop craving sex, I completely stopped engaging in solo action as well. I didn’t care, literally and figuratively.
  3. I focused on my internal growth. The last thing on my mind was getting laid, so I turned my thoughts inward instead. With all the work I was doing on my insides, the last thing I could think about was getting someone to caress my outside. This was a time for me, when I could be purely selfish, and I took advantage of that. I did not care that I wasn’t sleeping with anyone.
  4. I barely even looked at men that way. I’m usually a girl with a healthy sexual appetite, but I went for months without even giving a man a second glance. What was the point? I was a mess. I wasn’t going to get anywhere with anyone in that state. I had male friends, sure, but I felt no attraction towards anyone in any capacity.
  5. I got in touch with loving myself. No, not like that! I just knew that in order to survive my sorrow, I had to grow and get stronger as a person. I was no longer focused on a man but on me. It was the best thing I could’ve done, but during that process, I paid no attention to the fact that I hadn’t had sex in ages. I simply didn’t care. Sex was the last thing on my mind.
  6. I didn’t give a damn what I looked like. I was too mentally and emotionally focused on finding what makes me happy to worry about primping. I’ve never been a high-maintenance girl in the first place, but I went full-on hippie for a while. I was so tuned into my internal voice that I stopped worrying about my external looks. Obviously this, combined with my fascination with focusing inward, meant that I wasn’t getting any phone numbers.
  7. I started slowly feeling better… and realized I had no prospects in sight. When I finally did come out of my sex coma and felt like a woman again, it wasn’t like I had a million guys I could call up. I had no intention of failing in my relationship, so it wasn’t like I had a bunch of backup players on speed dial. Now that I had gone so many months with no interest, I certainly did not have any men beating down my door. I was crap out of luck.
  8. I got horny and crabby and frustrated. This finally brings me to my current state — desperately wanting someone to sleep with, but not sure where to go to find it. I still have some standards and I don’t want it to be terrible after all this time going without it. Still, I’m the kind of girl who is affected very positively by regular sex, so I’ve been quite the grouchy lady. It’s always helped my mood immensely to get laid on the regular. Here’s hoping I find someone to do that with very soon!
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.
close-link
close-link
close-link
close-link