Having A Hot Boyfriend Destroyed My Self-Esteem & I’ll Never Do It Again

On the outside, bagging a hot guy is a surefire sign that you’ve made it in the dating world. Well, I can’t speak for other women, but my personal experience of dating a hot guy left a lot to be desired. In fact, it totally crushed my self-esteem. Here’s why I won’t be doing it again anytime soon.

My friends were all jealous in the worst way. When you’re single and jealous of other people’s relationships, bagging a date with a hot guy seems like the ultimate comeback. The thing is, when you imagine other girls admiring you and wanting to be you, you don’t plan for the reality, which tends to be a lot more bitchy. My friends made me feel like it was some kind of fluke that I’d landed the date and people who were normally supportive of me suddenly started trying to poke holes in my relationship.

We didn’t really look good together. Don’t get me wrong, I’m comfortable with my appearance (I look good most of the time, thanks very much), but there’s a certain look that you expect to see paired with a hot guy and I definitely don’t have it. I may be rocking my stompy boots and mom jeans, but a hottie needs a girl in heels and skinnies. That’s just not me. Heading out together, my guy and I just didn’t seem a good fit.

I never felt like I lived up to his hotness. I’m so used to relationships being about a guy low-key worshipping me (what’s the point otherwise, right?) and I assumed dating a hot guy would be the same, just with something nicer to look at. The reality was that I spent most of my time feeling miserable because I felt I wasn’t living up to an ideal level of attractiveness. I spent more time talking myself down than feeling contented in my relationship.

He was constantly in demand with other women. I could have gone traveling around the world for a year or two when I was with my past boyfriends and still know that they’d be waiting for me, patiently virtuous when I returned. With a hot guy, I barely had the confidence to leave his side to grab a coffee in case he got chatted up by some plucky opportunist. Constantly having to mark my territory was exhausting—I’d rather let someone more worthy have him.

I was always second-guessing my self-worth. First impressions may be about looks, but I like to think that long-term relationships are built on more than that. Dating a hot guy, it didn’t seem to matter if I had a great sense of humor or what my interests were—I felt my good qualities were summed up by my looks alone, which didn’t do my sense of self-worth any favors, especially on second-day hair days.

I constantly compared myself to his exes. It’s normal to have a tiny bit of ex envy (please tell me it’s not just me), but when I was dating a hot guy, this impulse went into total overdrive. Unsurprisingly, my date had a TON of insanely attractive exes and I stalked every last one on social media. They say that comparison is the thief of joy, so my happiness had absolutely no chance with this guy.

I forgot all my amazing qualities. I was so over-awed that someone so beautiful had taken an interest in me that I momentarily forgot all my amazing qualities. I’m a great, caring date who’ll make you laugh and treat you like a king, but all of a sudden that didn’t seem like enough to impress him.

Those amazing qualities didn’t seem to matter much to him anyway. Excuse the generalization, but I’m not convinced hot guys have that much going on between the ears. I’d get compliments on my looks all the time but he never seemed genuinely interested in anything I had to say or my hopes and fears for the future. Being with a hot guy was about being in the moment and looking damn good while we did it—is it any wonder it didn’t last?

I became totally insecure. Believe it or not, I’m normally totally-laid back in relationships. With a hot guy, though, I became an insecure mess. I was convinced that he thought I wasn’t good enough for him, was constantly eyeing up other girls and generally wanted out of the relationship. Because of this, I acted possessive as hell and it was one of the things that ruined us.

I would have been so much happier with an average guy. Dating a hot guy might feel exciting, but it’s a whole lot more stress than you might think. Next time, I’ll save myself the sleepless nights and date an average looking boy who’s head over heels for me. I’m sure we’ll look just fine in photos anyway.

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