He Cheated On Me & Blamed Me For It

As if being cheated on wasn’t bad enough, I dated a guy who actually had the nerve to blame me for being unfaithful—yes, seriously. Here’s how this nonsense went down.

  1. I found out he was cheating. I had a gut feeling that he was lying to me about something. There were some nights when he was always out of reach, even via cell phone, and then he started to pay more attention to his work. I knew something was going on and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t being paranoid.
  2. I confronted him about it like a mature adult. It was scary to put myself out there and ask him straight up if he had someone else on the side but I knew that I had to for my own sanity. I invited him out to dinner and asked him if there was something going on because he’d changed. I was hoping that he would tell me that I was mistaken and he really was just busy with work. Yeah, wishful thinking.
  3. He didn’t deny it. Instead of putting my heart and mind at ease with the truth I was desperate to hear, the guy bluntly told me that he was indeed seeing someone else. WTF? It’s so funny how weeks of wondering and worrying still hadn’t prepared me to hear the truth.
  4. He was happy to give me the deets. Some people say that the worst thing to do is ask a cheating boyfriend for more info about the person he’s cheating with but I couldn’t help myself. He was quite open about the fact that he’d started seeing his coworker and that while he felt really bad, it happened and he didn’t regret it. Gee, thanks, dude.
  5. We got into a fight. My shock and sadness turned into hot rage. How could he have done this to me? I was nothing but loyal and honest with him for our entire relationship! I fought with him about how disloyal he was, wasting months of my life. He then turned the tables around on me by stating that I was the reason why he was stepping out. Wait, what?
  6. Apparently, I wasn’t affectionate enough. He said that he always craved closeness and affection and I never gave him much of it. It felt like such a slap in the face to hear these words, especially since there was some truth to them. I take a long time to feel 100% comfortable with someone. I need to know that I can trust them and that their feelings for me are the real deal before I can drop my guard and show affection. When it comes to PDA, though, I’m not really big on it. My boyfriend always was and we did clash about that a few times. Still, I never thought it was such a big deal that he’d cheat on me.
  7. We broke up but I couldn’t let go of his words. That jerk’s words really plagued me for weeks after our relationship came to an end that night. I kept worrying that I’d done something to make him look for affection elsewhere. Did I really push him to cheat on me?
  8. I realized it was total bullcrap. Thankfully, after a few weeks of self-doubt, I realized that it was really unfair of him to blame me for his actions. I didn’t push him to do anything! Why didn’t he talk to me about how I wasn’t affectionate enough? If he truly loved me, then why didn’t he try to make our relationship work before finding someone else’s arms to run into? Let’s not forget: the dude didn’t even come clean about his cheating! If I didn’t confront him about it, who knows how long it would have gone on for?
  9. This wasn’t love. His cheating was a betrayal, but even more of a betrayal was the way in which he tried to throw me under the bus as though I was the reason we broke up. It’s so damn unfair to use someone’s insecurities and issues against them in the way that he did. He was so toxic that he just wanted to make himself feel better for his own crappy behavior. Looking back, I’m so glad I trusted my gut and confronted him so I could get out of that horrid relationship.
  10. No one is ever to blame for being cheated on. Thanks to that guy, this has become my new relationship motto: no one is ever to blame for being cheated on. Sure, people might experience problems in their relationship, but there’s never a good reason for someone to look outside of the relationship for love or sex. If the relationship’s not working, then damn well end it. I wish my ex had done that instead of putting me through so much drama and heartache. At the end of the day, he’s the loser, not me.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.