He Said He Didn’t Want A Relationship But I Thought I Could Change His Mind — I Was Wrong

We started casually hanging out. He said he wasn’t looking for anything serious, but I brushed that off. I didn’t see that as an obstacle. In fact, I thought I could change his mind about wanting a girlfriend, but I’ll be the first to admit that I was incredibly wrong.

  1. I thought he just needed to realize I was the right girl. I thought that guys always said that they didn’t want a relationship until they met the right person. I truly believed that we were right for each other, so I just kept trying. After all, a lot of couples take some time before they realize they’re right for each other. I’ve never believed in love at first sight and that’s why I thought that once he got to know me, he’d see that we were undeniably right.
  2. I thought he was just afraid of commitment. A fear of commitment isn’t exactly original. I thought it was a fear that every man had to get the hell over at some point in his life and I thought I would be that point for him. I thought that once we got the ball rolling, his fear would slowly slip away while his feelings for me would take over and fear of commitment would be a thing of his juvenile past.
  3. I thought if I liked him enough, he’d have to like me back. I didn’t think that my interest in him could stay unrequited. If I felt something so strongly, I had to believe that he felt it too. After all, could I really be wrong about thinking someone was “The One”? I thought that was just something I knew in my heart and that someday, he’d know it too.
  4. I thought he would be jealous at the thought of me with another man. That possibility didn’t seem to scare him, though. He still wasn’t sure about us. Even the thought of me being with someone else didn’t make him buckle down and commit to me. I thought his jealousy would overcome you, but his thoughts on having a relationship didn’t budge.
  5. I thought casual was just a step before getting serious. I thought that’s how modern dating worked — being casual is how we would get to the serious. I thought everyone wanted to just casually date before taking the plunge. I thought all guys said they didn’t want a relationship or anything serious but they secretly did. I thought that time would change that, but it didn’t.
  6. I thought he’d get over his single guy phase. I kept telling myself it was just a phase. Just like I needed my time when I was single, he needed some time too. Honestly, I thought he just had some growing up to do. After all, girls mature faster than boys, so I was just going to help him catch up. I thought being single was a phase that would pass and that I was his future.
  7. I thought I could convince him that he couldn’t live without me. I was going to be so amazing that he couldn’t bear the thought of life without me. In fact, he wouldn’t even be able to remember life without me because I was 100 percent the perfect girl. I was the girl who made things easy and gave him everything he wanted without asking for anything in return. I tried to be the girl of his dreams, but in reality, I was just being someone I wasn’t.
  8. I thought I was more than just his backup plan. I never thought for once that even though we were casual, he might only be keeping me around in case nothing better ever came along. I never considered the idea of actually believing that he wasn’t interested in something real and that in reality, he was using me. I never thought he could be so cold, but at the same time, I never thought I could be so stupid.
  9. I thought if he wanted my body, he’d eventually want my heart too. There was no denying he was attracted to me and he gave me all the signals that he actually liked me too. So even if he said we were just hooking up and keeping things casual, I thought that was just for now. It was a temporary situation and we’d eventually cross that bridge… but we never did. He loved my body but he couldn’t have cared less about the rest of me.
  10. I thought if I waited it out, he’d see that he actually wanted to settle down. At some point, he’s going to want to give up his bachelorhood, right? That’s what I used to think when I was dumb, naïve, and distracted by your charm. I thought that if I waited him out, he’d realize that he doesn’t actually want to grow old alone. When he came to his senses, I was going to be there — but he never did.
  11. I thought he’d be afraid to lose me. I thought that I actually meant something to him, but it’s clear now that I didn’t. I was a fool for love and that’s exactly why I ended up heartbroken. At the end of the day, I didn’t think he’d actually give me up. I didn’t think that I was someone worth losing, but to him I was. I thought that he’d care about me enough to keep me, but he didn’t. I thought I could change his mind about everything, but I was wrong.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.