If He Has Nothing To Hide, He Shouldn’t Care If You Go Through His Phone

I’ve read so much lately about people who feel that their privacy is being violated if their significant other goes through their phone and I honestly don’t get it. My boyfriend has no problem with me looking through his phone. In fact, I do it often.

He has nothing to hide. If I pick up my boyfriend’s phone and start looking through his text messages, why would he care? He has absolutely nothing to hide from me. If there’s something he wrote that he doesn’t want me to see, he probably shouldn’t have written it in the first place. Why is the snooping person always blamed? This seems like a tactic by deceitful people to put the blame on the other person instead of taking responsibility for whatever it is their partner found on their phone. I’m not buying it.

He knows that I trust him. I know what you’re thinking: if you trust him, why are you going through his phone? But what my boyfriend understands that most men don’t seem to understand is that it isn’t about him. It’s about me. If I suddenly start thinking he’s cheating or feel a need to look through his phone, it usually isn’t because of something he did. It’s because I got anxious for some reason. He gets that it’s about me and he doesn’t take it personally. Should I probably find another way to deal with my anxiety? Of course, but that’s for an entirely different article.

It builds trust in our relationship. Let me explain! It usually goes something like this: I get worried, I go through his phone, I find nothing, I calm down. Rinse and repeat… until I no longer have to go through his phone because it’s tedious and I know I’m not going to find anything anyway. He doesn’t get angry or defensive and we build trust. Letting me go through his phone whenever I want gives me a lot of reassurance.

It heals me. Obviously, if you haven’t guessed already, I’ve had issues with cheating in my past. Allowing me to express my anxiety and giving me what I need for reassurance helps heal me from that past trauma. He gets that.

You don’t need that much privacy in a relationship. What are people keeping on their phone that’s so private they would hide it from their significant other? Unless you’re planning a surprise party, I don’t understand what you want to hide from them. You shouldn’t be venting to your friends via text about your partner, nor should you be flirting with your co-worker. If you wouldn’t want your boyfriend to read a text message, don’t send it! It sounds pretty simple to me.

Sometimes I just need to go through his phone for practical reasons. A lot of times he forgets plans he made so I’ll read his text messages to see if he confirmed dinner with friends. Or, he’ll try to explain an argument he had with his brother via text and its just easier for me to read what they wrote in order to understand the argument. Sometimes I want to look at the pictures he took of our pets or send myself that picture he took of us. If you’re guarding your phone so much that your partner doesn’t feel comfortable doing simple things like that, it seems like a red flag to me.

He seriously doesn’t mind. He had a girlfriend that had a password on her phone, constantly had it turned over, and had phone calls and text messages that would buzz in the middle of the night. Sometimes he would see a guy’s name pop up on her screen. She would always just say they were friends or co-workers but never give him more of an explanation. He never went through her phone and never asked. After they broke up, guess who he found out she had been cheating with? You guessed it, the guy whose name popped up on her screen.

Too much privacy can be too much of a temptation. If you have this phone that is locked and you know your partner is never going to see, isn’t that kind of a temptation to be able to do what you want with no repercussions? You know you could download Tinder, text anyone you want, send pics, and they’re never going to see because you have “privacy.” If you’re the type who is tempted to cheat, maybe think about how you really view privacy and what you’re using it for.

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