Finding a guy you want to spend time with is hard enough, but finding one who says he wants to spend time with you and actually follows through with it is a whole other challenge. We may never know why so many men say they want to hang out and then never bother to actually make plans, but there are some common reasons for this frustrating behavior.
He just wants the ego boost of knowing you want to hang out with him. Some guys just crave the feeling of being wanted. They have multiple girls that they talk to, one or two that they actually spend time with, and the rest are just there to inflate their egos. Just the idea of you wanting to hang out with him can give this dude the rush that he needs to feel attractive. Even you two never do go beyond text or phone conversations, he gets to feel validated, and that’s all he really wanted in the first place.
He thinks it’s the only way to keep you interested. A lot of guys out there are serial online daters (with heavy emphasis on the “online”). They’re lazy or busy or super introverted and don’t want a face-to-face connection but enjoy the attention from women they’ll never have to meet in person. By saying that he wants to hang out, he keeps you on the hook and in his inbox. He may have no intentions of actually getting together with you, but as long as you think it might happen, he gets to feel desired from afar.
He has multiple other women on rotation. I know this is the last thing most of us want to believe, but sadly, it’s often the truth. The guy you’re talking to might just see you as another horse on the carousel. It may be that in his mind, there’s no reason to hang out with you when Girl #3 lives closer and always pays for his dinner and he knows that Girl #1 will definitely want to have sex. Especially if you’ve never hung out before, he might not see a reason to sacrifice his time with someone else who’s “reliable” to take a risk on someone new.
He wants to see if you’ll initiate plans first. Miscommunications happen and this guy might think that since he’s expressed interest in spending time with you, the ball is now in your court to actually make plans. Blame it on shyness or a simple desire to not want to seem pushy, but if you really do want to get together with him, there’s certainly nothing to lose by offering up activities, times, and dates yourself.
He wants to keep you as an option for when he’s bored or horny. Keeping someone on the back burner for later is a lousy thing to do, sure, but a lot of guys still do it. This guy might not actively want to pursue you, but by staying in contact with you and dropping the idea of spending time together IRL, he’s making sure that he’s still on your radar. In his mind, if he just plants the idea that he would like to hang out with you one day, you’ll still see him as an option, which could play out in his favor if he decides to hit you up for a booty call.
He assumes it’s what he’s “supposed” to do. Dating, flirting, “just talking” — all of it is weird and hard to navigate. Maybe the guy you’re talking to is just a bit inexperienced in this area and assumes that offering up the idea to hang out is just the logical next step in your interaction. Yes, common sense would dictate that the next step after that would be to, you know, actually follow through with that suggestion, but as mentioned before, he might need a little help from you in that area.
He wants you to think he’s more interested than he really is. Making concrete plans, getting ready for those plans, and then showing up for those plans takes a lot of effort for some people. Simply suggesting that those plans should materialize, however, takes far less work. This guy might just like the attention you’re giving him or he might just not be into it enough to hang out with you on a regular basis. By stringing you along like this, he’s essentially stepping on the gas pedal just enough to say that he’s driving, even if the car isn’t going fast enough to arrive anywhere in a reasonable amount of time.
He genuinely is just a super busy guy. Ulterior motives, laziness, or social awkwardness aren’t always at play — you might just be involved with a guy who has good intentions but not a lot of free time. This doesn’t mean that he’s worth pursuing, though. If he doesn’t have time to meet up with you for coffee or a Netflix night, there’s no way he’s going to have time for a full-fledged relationship. Even a casual arrangement would probably leave you disappointed on a regular basis. You’re better off finding someone who actually proves that he wants to spend time with you.
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