He Rejected Me But Gets Jealous When I Talk To Other Guys — What Gives?

You ask a guy out or tell him you want him to be your boyfriend… and he shuts you down. You lick your wounds and try to move on, then he starts acting real jealous every time he sees to hears about you with another guy. Now you’re confused and wondering what it all means because his actions don’t seem to match his words. Here are some of the reasons why he still gets jealous even after rejecting you.

  1. He’s immature and irrational. This is one of the tell-tale signs of someone who is emotionally immature. He likes the idea of you being into him, but he doesn’t like you like that or want you to be with anyone else because that would mean he wouldn’t have you on his hook anymore. It’s like when a child is playing with a specific toy and ignoring all others, but the minute you take away any of the toys they’re not playing with, the child starts throwing tantrums in protest. He knows his jealousy is unfounded and that he has no right to you but he doesn’t care. He just wants what he wants.
  2. He sees you as his possession. Some guys can be really weird like that. Because you like him and he likes having you around without many commitments, he starts to feel entitled to your time, attention, and affection. In his mind, you belong to him and no one else is allowed to have you until he’s good and ready to give you up. He wants to be the only one who has access to you so that he can use you whenever he wants. His manifestations of jealousy are just a tool he uses to keep you along. There’s nothing romantic about it, so don’t fall for his tricks.
  3. Your interest in him boosts his ego. He rejected you because he doesn’t want you but he gets jealous seeing you interact with other guys because he’s using you to feel better about himself. He wants to be able to brag about you wanting him to bask in the glow of rejecting you. It makes him feel like the top dog, and you liking or being desired by someone else would shatter that delusion. His jealousy is not about you. It’s about his ego being bruised and him feeling rejected when he sees you attempting to move on from him.
  4. He wants a one-sided relationship with him in control. If he’s the only guy in your life, it’ll be much easier for him to string you along and dictate when he gets to see you. His jealousy is a way of manipulating you into thinking you owe him loyalty and if you give him that, he might change his mind about starting something serious with you. He wants to have the benefits of being in a relationship with you like exclusive access to your interest and attention. But he doesn’t want any of the responsibilities that come with relationships or for you to hold him to the same standards.
  5. His insecurities are getting the better of him. Sometimes jealousy arises from insecurity. It could be that this guy doesn’t think very highly of himself and seeing you with other guys whom he thinks are better than him brings feelings of self-doubt to the surface. He could be thinking that if you’re already talking to other guys, it means you never really liked him. Or, maybe he’s just worried about his place in your life. If he’s your friend, he might feel that he’s going to lose having you in his life if another guy you care about comes along.
  6. You’re on his shelf. The reason seeing you with other guys makes him jealous even though he has made it known that he doesn’t want to date you could be because he’s saving you for the future. You’re his backup plan in case he never finds his “ideal” girl after he’s done sowing his wild oats. Of course he doesn’t want you moving on before it’s time for him to decide whether he’ll be needing you or not. He can’t risk having you falling for some other guy and ruining his safety plan so he puts on a show of envy every time he sees a threat on the horizon.
  7. He loves being the center of attention. Maybe he loves the attention that you give him and the validation that being desired by you brings (especially if you’re someone regarded as conventionally attractive or beautiful). He doesn’t want to give all that up so he sees other guys as rivals for the attention that he desperately craves.
  8. He’s a selfish narcissist. For narcissistic people, jealousy is simply a tool for control. They believe the world revolves around them and they cannot stomach seeing other people make decisions that do not serve their interests. A guy like that doesn’t really care about you or want you to be happy. All he gives a damn about is how your affections for him benefit him and he is happy to jeopardize any possibility of a relationship with another guy that could steal you away from him.
  9. He secretly likes you. It’s possible that he likes you and this is his twisted way of showing it. Perhaps he rejected you because he wasn’t ready for a commitment or he doesn’t think he deserves you. Whatever the underlying reason is for turning you down when he actually cares about you and wants to be with you, you need to understand that it’s not okay for him to play around with your feelings like that. If he can’t make up his mind about you, then you shouldn’t waste any more time on him.
A girl preoccupied with living her best life even when it's uncomfortable to do so. She spends a lot of time with her thoughts. She hopes you enjoy reading the results of those thoughts.