I met a guy I really liked and started falling for him pretty quickly. Luckily, he seemed to feel the same. Everything was going well between us—until he ended it so that he could start pursuing my best friend.
We were young and carefree, but that’s no excuse.
Just like the song goes, we were “young, dumb, and broke” when I started dating this dude. He’d recently come out of a long-term relationship, which I suppose should have been a red flag, but he was kind, fun, and attractive. To me, this was a winning combination.
I’d been single for a really long time.
I was living the single life at college for about a year before I started to get bored. I’d been out of a relationship for a few years after a previous BF cheated and I was waiting for the right guy to come along, sweep me off my feet, and restore my faith in men again. This guy arrived on the scene and, at first, he appeared to be everything that I’d been looking for. I confided in him about my past negative experiences with guys and he promised that he’d never hurt me like that. He told me he was one of the “good ones” and I stupidly believed him.
He became like a boyfriend, just without the label.
We took things slowly, only spending time together once a week so it wouldn’t be a shock for either of us. However, when we did spend time together, it was usually overnight and ran into the next day. We continued down the same path right until the very end. We were practically relationship official, but we both agreed that we wanted it to happen organically. We didn’t want to force the label on it but he knew where my head was at and that I’d happily jump to girlfriend/boyfriend status at any given moment.
He told me that he wanted to be exclusive.
He didn’t want us dating other people but he wouldn’t call me his girlfriend, which eventually became a little exhausting. Oddly enough, he treated me exactly like a GF, called me pet names, and was happy to meet all my friends to get their seal of approval.
The red flags just kept on coming.
In all the time that we were seeing each other, he refused to take me out on an actual date. We would always go over to each other’s houses and go out on social events with other people, but he’d never wine or dine me like “real” couples do. Naturally, it made me wonder why.
He’d only hang out with my friends and got close to one of them.
He grew pretty close to my group of friends and just kept hanging out with us on a weekly basis. However, he’d never invite me to hang out with his friends. We started spending less time alone together and more time in a group setting, and I wasn’t really sure what was happening at the time. Suddenly, I noticed him gravitating towards one of my best pals in our friendship group. They’d be chatting away on our nights out together or I’d catch him texting her when we were alone together, but he’d always be open about it and tell me everything that went on. She was such a bubbly, friendly character that I didn’t think anything of it—in fact, I thought she was just trying to get to know him to please me because she knew how much I liked him.
They decided to spend the day together.
I knew something was off when they became so close that they’d agreed to spend the day alone together. He and I had never spent the whole day alone together, but they both told me ahead of time and made out like they got on really well as friends, which was why they’d decided to hang out. What was I supposed to say? I had no choice but to let it happen.
He took her out to dinner.
I was told that they were going shopping, but then imagine my surprise when I learned that he’d also taken her out to dinner. To a fancy restaurant. A restaurant that I’d told him I wanted us to try out together. Hello, alarm bells!
He ended things with me the next day.
I received a text message the day after he’d spent with my best friend which stated that he wanted out of our “arrangement.” He didn’t tell me why at first, he just said that he felt like we weren’t progressing and he felt like he was unsure about the whole thing. I can’t believe I got broken up with via text.
My best friend became distant.
Immediately after this, my best friend stopped spending time with me and our friendship group and everything felt really off. I found out later it was because she’d secretly started dating my ex (if I could even call him that) but didn’t tell anyone.
They became a thing.
It was only a matter of time before my former best friend got into an official relationship with him and had to come clean. The whole thing was handled appallingly and I never forgave my friend for the way she’d gone behind my back and made out like she was just friends with the guy when she clearly wanted him for herself.
It was a blessing in disguise.
As it turns out, this was a blessing in disguise. Even though it was incredibly difficult to feel both rejection from a guy who made out like we had an amazing future ahead of us and then disrespected by someone who I thought was a best friend, things actually turned out for the best. I didn’t want or need people in my life who would treat me like crap.
I discontinued my relationship with the both of them.
Even though we had mutual friends and sometimes ran into each other for the rest of college, I never saw them or spoke to them outside of social occasions. I have no idea if they’re still together, but I wish them all the best and I thank them for presenting me with such a difficult situation in my life and allowing me to rise above it. It made me the strong person that I am today.
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