He was charming, sweet, and totally respectful when we went on a few dates. Then I found out through his friend that he’d been charged with sexual harassment. Talk about a red flag.
Never have I been more upset about the guy’s friends. I always thought that meeting the friends of the guy I’m dating would be a totally chill experience and that my biggest worry would be whether or not they’d like me. Unfortunately, I didn’t think that meeting his best friend would give me such horrible news. When the three of us went out to dinner one night and my date went out to take a call, his friend made a joke about how the guy I was into had been accused of sexual harassment at work. Wait, what?
I hoped he was joking. Sexual harassment isn’t anything to joke about, and I hoped that he wasn’t making light of such an accusation. In fact, I hoped he had a terrible sense of humor and was making the whole thing up, so I decided to ask my date about it when he got back to the table. Instead of telling me his friend was being an inconsiderate jerk and he was sorry on his behalf, he admitted that it was true.
I was immediately repulsed. Just the accusation of sexual harassment against this guy was enough to make me want to move my chair further away from him, but I tried to keep an open mind and hear him out. What the hell happened for things to get to that point? He said he used to comment on his female colleague’s gorgeous looks a lot and compliment her outfits. He said it was “no big deal” and his boss was just really uptight to agree that this behavior was considered sexual harassment. Oh hell no.
I called him out on his BS. I couldn’t just sit back and let these guys laugh about this. This was sick! I told him that what he did was enough to make the woman feel uncomfortable in the workplace. It was inappropriate and harmful, but he and his friend just didn’t get it. The guy even said I sounded crazy and uptight myself before adding that he was “just kidding around.”
He was sexist. I quickly realized what a misogynist I was dealing with. He had no qualms about acting like a jerk, mistreating women, and joking about how he went about doing it. The sickest thing was that he didn’t even see how his actions were so disrespectful. Heck, he didn’t even see that what he did was considered harassment. There these guys were, still joking about that woman who accused him of sexual harassment like she was nothing.
Sadly, many guys do this. Not only do some guys laugh about sexual harassment, but many don’t even know what it means. Insert facepalm emoji. According to a survey by Instamotor, two out of three men don’t think that behavior like asking a woman out several times even though she rejects the invites is considered sexual harassment. In addition, one in five men don’t think sexual harassment should result in someone being given the boot at work. Unbelievable!
That doesn’t mean we should let our guard down. Just because some men don’t understand sexual harassment or they see it as no big deal doesn’t mean that we should let them off the hook. This guy seemed pretty clueless about sexual harassment, but that’s not good enough for me to say, “Shame, he doesn’t realize what he’s doing.” We can’t accept this crap.
Needless to say, it was our last date. Although he was keen on seeing me again, I just knew I wouldn’t be dating him in future. It was sad because I hoped he was a good match for me when we’d first started hanging out, but it was better to see the truth about him right away. That way, I wouldn’t waste my time on a sexist idiot. His behavior and way of thinking were just too much for me. I couldn’t date someone who’d violated another woman’s boundaries.
I need someone who’s more awake. I need to be with a guy who’s respectful and sympathetic towards women and what they face on a daily basis because of sexual harassment. I need to date a guy who understands what behavior is appropriate and what isn’t. I mean come on, guys need to learn about this and try to understand the issues at play. It’s not good enough for them to pretend like they don’t know stuff anymore. That just doesn’t cut it, and it’s not enough for me. Go back to your cave, a-hole.
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