He Seems Great On Paper, So Why Is There No Spark?

I was convinced I’d finally met a game-changer. He seemingly had everything I was looking for in a partner, so I was beyond aggravated when our relationship kept hitting a wall. He was supposed to be perfect for me, so what the hell? Here’s why, despite all the positive signs, your dream guy might not pan out as expected.

  1. Astrology has its limitations. Checking your zodiac pairing can tell you a lot about what to expect from your dynamic with this dude. Even reading up on his sign alone might explain his habits and give you tips on how to seduce him specifically. But as spot-on as the info may be on this guy, these details are still larger generalizations on a group of people born on the same day. His individual life experiences, general attitude, and personal motivations are still going to impact who he is and why he does what he does. The planets are a powerful influence, but they don’t do everything for you. You may find out things about him that can’t be explained by tarot cards and horoscopes.
  2. Dating app guys still live in the real world. I thought for sure since we had met organically versus taking a random chance on a potential online psycho that it had to have better chances of working. But guess what? You can’t judge dating app prospects too much if you’re on them as well, right? We’re all still humans. The digital world may be a safer place for otherwise awkward or unstable weirdos who don’t get out much, but people are people no matter where you find them—and all people can be disappointing.
  3. He may be seeing someone else. You ever see the meme about God not sending you someone else’s husband? If he’s such a great catch, chances are you aren’t the first person to discover this. As badly as you want him, Christina Columbus, if he already belongs to someone else, you’re out of luck. And if he’s willing to give you attention while he’s committed, if he really as great as you originally thought he was anyway?
  4. He may not be ready. I know timing shouldn’t be an issue if there’s a true connection, but there really are times when life is way too mentally distracting to notice a good thing. I’ve been waiting my whole adult life for a knock from Publishers Clearing House, but if they came right after my kids were born, I may have been too tired to even get to the door or process what was happening. Sometimes people really do have a lot going on and other priorities that need taken care of first.
  5. You may not be ready. I know this one might be a shocker for you to admit and process. Relationships involve two people. Even if you meet a perfect guy in your book, he still has to evaluate if you’re a good fit for him. If you’re being needy and unstable and have too much room for personal growth, he may expect you to put the brakes on pursuing a dating situation and get yourself together first. You can’t be a 5 out there looking for a 10.
  6. Everyone is faulty. I expected this one guy to be super dignified in our relationship because he was heavily involved in church. Turned out he was just as tempted by sex as the rest of us! Just because a guy has a great job or holds a respectable place in society doesn’t mean you won’t uncover hidden defects in his private life that aren’t publicly on display. Great people still have vices and demons. Studies claim men supposedly grow up at 43 and even this is a lie. They don’t magically wake up in their 40s as better people. It can be super misleading because he can be more established in life with a career, home, 401K, etc. but he’s still a person who can be tragically flawed underneath the external image.
  7. Compatibility has many factors. Facts can only tell you so much. There are so many layers to determining the match. You’ve got to do your homework. What is his love language and attachment style? Even going back to astrology, you may know his sun sign, but what about his moon and rising? What were his past relationships like? Is he completely single and excited for love, or divorced and hesitant to put himself out there again? It’s not as easy to sum up a person as you’d think.
  8. There may be someone better meant for you. He may be good, but someone better (for you) might be out there. No matter how badly you’re trying to force things, the Universe isn’t going to allow you to settle. Trust me, I get it, dating is exhausting. Just finding someone honest, holding down steady employment, and doesn’t seem like he might chop up your body parts to discard in a dumpster might feel like enough. But if it’s not meant to be in the spectrum of things, it won’t work no matter how much you will it to.
I’m Cara, not to be confused with Carrie, although you could say I’m a Millennial Bradshaw of sorts. Pop culture connoisseur. Lover of all things creative and passionate about health and personal well-being. Follow me on IG @cara_vale_writer