He Wanted To Take A Break Rather Than Fix Our Issues So I Ended Our Relationship

I don’t get the point of a relationship break—if there are issues, they should be solved, not avoided. It might sound crazy, but when my ex suggested we take a break, I decided it would actually make more sense to end things completely. Here’s why I don’t regret it:

  1. It happened during a fight. We got into a massive fight over the phone. I was mad because he wasn’t listening to me and he took that and ran. In the heat of the moment, he screamed out, “You know what? Let’s take a relationship break.” I know I was already mad, but this just made me furious! I shouted back, “No, let’s actually break up! It’s over.” Breaks always feel like such a copout to me.
  2. He was shocked. He couldn’t believe that I decided to take things up to such a permanent level. He said I was being unreasonable and he was still trying to work on things, but I didn’t buy it and I didn’t change my mind. How could he say that he was still keen to work on our relationship? He was the one who’d suggested the break in such a harsh, spontaneous way, without even considering my feelings about it.
  3. We were going to break up eventually anyway. I really think that a relationship break is just the beginning of a journey towards a breakup. If we were going to stop talking to each other and go our separate ways for a short time, how would we ever come back? It’s like when married people decide to separate before getting a divorce. It’s a stepping stone to ending things for good.
  4. It had felt like a threat. I’ll never forget the way he screamed on the phone that he wanted a relationship break. In the moment, it felt to me like he was trying to scare me, perhaps hoping I’d say, “No, let’s please talk about it. I’ll listen to what you have to say.” Wrong! I’m not the type to beg. I also don’t like being cornered by a guy who thinks he can just lay down the law in a relationship. It’s such BS.
  5. How it’s done makes a difference. I know we were in the middle of a fight, but he could’ve phrased things in such a different way. He could’ve said, “You know what? Let’s take a moment here”  or even “I don’t want to talk about this now—I need some time.” Instead, he not only wanted to exit the fight but our whole relationship. It’s unfair that he was willing to throw it onto the fire in such a quick way. He calls that “working on the relationship” and “having a relationship break“? What a joke.
  6. It was selfish, and I don’t want to be with a selfish guy. He only cared about what he wanted, and he’d been like that throughout our relationship. Now that he wanted a break, he didn’t care about what I wanted or even what I thought about relationship breaks in general. He just wanted to throw his toys out the cot and run. What a coward!
  7. It was better this way. I knew that I wouldn’t change my mind about relationship breaks or how he’d rubbed me the wrong way, so I stuck to my guns in spite of him turning me into the bad guy. Weirdly enough, that actually showed me that leaving him was the best thing for me.
  8. The fight was a bad sign. That fight wasn’t the first one we’d had. We’d been fighting like that for weeks, going around in circles over issues that never got resolved. We were both exhausted. I, for one, was sick and tired of dealing with a guy who only cared about himself.
  9. Things would never be the same. I had no doubt that if we took a break, we’d never actually get back into a relationship. If we miraculously did, things would never be the same between us. We still weren’t dealing with our issues. We resented each other. How would a break help us move past that? It was easier to move away from each other.
  10. We couldn’t communicate. We needed to see each other’s points of view and try to reach a mutual understanding, not take time away from each other and focus on our own views. We were doing enough of that. Since we had a truckload of issues and weren’t actually sorting them out, it didn’t seem likely that we’d ever be happy again.
  11. He was a flight risk. It would be hard to trust him if we got back together after a break. He was the one who’d suggested the break in the first place, so who’s to say he wouldn’t want one again in future, such as during the next fight when he just wanted to bolt? I didn’t want to live with that uncertainty.
  12. It was probably an excuse. I can’t help but feel that he was using the relationship break as an excuse to GTFO of our relationship for good. Once he broke away, he could find it easier to drift out of my life, instead of telling me that he really wanted a proper breakup. I’m glad I took matters into my own hands so that I wouldn’t be waiting around for him to make a breakup official or get closure. I’d never get it from him because he was so selfish.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.