If He Won’t Make Things Official, He Can’t Expect Me to Do These Things

I know he wants to have his cake and eat it too. And while some women would be more than content with playing the role of his girlfriend without having the title, I’ve been there before and I don’t plan on going there ever again. If he has cold feet and he refuses to put a label on us, he can’t expect me to do any of the following:

Have Constant Communication Does he really expect me to answer all of his calls? It’s not gonna happen. If he’s still on the fence about whether or not he’s willing to commit to me then he shouldn’t expect me to be at his beck and call. If I’m free, I’ll think about answering but I’m not going to keep my phone next to me at all times in hopes that he’ll give me a ring. I have so many other things I can be doing and devoting my time to, and constantly chatting up someone who can’t even call me his girlfriend isn’t one of them.

Have Sex on His Terms Having regular sex is something that comes with being in a relationship, and since he’s so deathly afraid of the “R” word, I’m not going to be sitting here and waiting to give him pleasure. Since we’re still in the gray area, I don’t really have to commit myself to being sexually exclusive to him and only him. If he wants that to change then he knows what he needs to do.

Seriously Commit Some girls will be completely loyal to a guy who doesn’t have any intentions on making them their girlfriend. Well, guess what? I’m not one of those girls. If he can’t even decide whether he wants to commit to me then I’m not going to put all my eggs in one basket. He might see me out and about with another guy and I might even answer a text message from someone else I’m seeing while he’s sitting right next to me. I’m not going to be rude about it but I’m not going to put my dating life on hold for this dude, either.

Give Him All-Access During the Weekends Weekends are for couples, and since we’re not one, he shouldn’t expect to see me every Friday and Saturday. My life is busy with my hobbies, my friends, my family, and the first five seasons of Orange Is the New Black. I hope he doesn’t think he can just drop by unannounced and make himself comfortable on my couch. If he’s not my guy, he shouldn’t act like it.

Cook for him Some guys expect to have all the privileges of being a boyfriend without sucking it up and putting a title on things but I’m not about to give him boyfriend privileges if he’s acting like a commitment-phobe. Cooking for someone is something that means a lot to me. It takes a lot of time and effort to make a meal that’s made with love, so the longer he keeps pushing me into the gray area, the longer it’ll take me to feel comfortable with letting him try my homemade lasagna. He’s the one who’s missing out, not me!

Give My Undivided Attention I’m not about to ask him how his day went and I don’t really care about the drama he’s having at work. He can save those conversations for his mom or his bros. I don’t necessarily have to give a damn about what he has going on in his life. If he wants emotional support from me, doesn’t he think it’s about time he put a label on us?

Give More Than I’m Receiving You have to give in order to get, and I’m not going to give any more than he’s giving me. This isn’t my first rodeo so to protect myself, I have to stop going out of my way for someone who hesitates to do the same. If he wants a loyal girlfriend who’s there for him at all times then I’m that girl. Until then, I’m not doing a damn thing.

Spend the Night So what if I’m being petty? I don’t really care. I have a perfectly good apartment and a very comfortable bed waiting for me at home. I don’t want to spend the night at his house and emotionally bond after a night of sex. I’d much rather sleep comfortably in my own house. Post-coital snuggles and pillow talk are reserved for my boyfriend, and he’s not him.

Let Him Meet My Friends Why the hell would I introduce him to my friends if I’m not even sure he’ll stick around? I can’t just introduce them to any old Joe Shmoe that comes into my life. He can stop asking when he’ll get to meet my besties. It’s not going to happen until we finally seal the deal.

Share My Secrets Just like everyone else, I’ve been hurt and I’ve been betrayed so I’m not about to open up to him before I know that he’s someone who really wants to be in my life. What’s the point in sharing my deep, dark secrets with someone who’s deathly afraid of being in a relationship? If he wants to break through this tough exterior and learn more about my past, my fears, and my goals, it’s about time he shows me that he’s serious by making things official.

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