Yes, Your Heart Can Be Broken By A Guy You Were Never Even In A Relationship With

You fell hard for a guy but he was never even yours. It should be easy to move on with your life considering you never even dated, but instead you’re pining over him like he was your long-term boyfriend. Getting over him is harder than you thought it would be, and no, you’re not crazy. Here’s what’s going on and why the heartbreak hurts like hell.

  1. You never got closure. If you never dated the guy, you never went through the highs and lows of a relationship or a breakup. The result? You don’t get closure, which can make it harder to let go of the person and the whole idea of dating him.
  2. You’re consumed by “what if?” thoughts. Since you haven’t dated, it’s hard to stop imaging what it would be like. What if he came around and wanted to date you? What if your friendship became something more romantic? ¬†These thoughts can tie you up in the dead of night and make it harder to walk away from the rejection.
  3. Your hope struggles to die. It’s harder to kill an illusion than reality, as they say, so it’s only natural that getting over your hope can be difficult. This is especially the case if you’ve been getting mixed messages from him. You might fear that walking away from him will destroy your chance of getting to date them, even though usually sticking around ends up being a waste of time.
  4. You’ve only seen him at his best. If you’ve never seen the guy at his worst, like when you’re knee-deep in a toxic fight, you might have them set high on a pedestal. It’s harder to get over someone who seems to be perfect and who you never see when they’re having a really terrible day.
  5. Your brain can’t tell the difference. Interestingly, if you’ve been dreaming about what it would be like to date this guy, after a while your brain will start to register the same type of heartbreak as if you’d actually lived out those dreams in reality. What happens in your thoughts is seen by the brain as reality, so that’s something to bear in mind if you’re wondering why you’re going through this.
  6. You’re friends, which kinda sucks. If you’ve got the feels for your friend and you’ve been dating him in your head, getting over him and moving on when he rejects you is even harder. He’ll still be around and that will keep reminding you of how your heart’s smashed up. This is like experiencing a breakup constantly, like you’re in a Groundhog Day setup.
  7. You know it’s better to have loved and lost. You know the saying, “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?” You’ll know this is true when you get rejected before even getting a chance to date the guy. It’s such a cruel way to have to grieve someone. At least when you’ve gone through a relationship, you had a chance. There’s something particularly painful about not even getting to kiss or build a bond with someone for whom you have strong feelings. Where are those feelings supposed to go?
  8. You leave him confused. Whether you’re friends or you bump into each other every now and then, trying to move on and get over your feelings can be difficult if he gets confused about why you’re pulling away. This can prolong your suffering, especially because you might not feel comfortable to come clean about your feelings.
  9. Your heartbreak takes you to darker places. If you find yourself pining over someone who’s never going to be yours, or this happens regularly, there’s an important issue to explore there. You will have to go deeper into your pain and figure out why it’s happening. It might stem from something in childhood, like if you had to deal with regular rejection from a parent or another part of your life.
  10. You’re harder on yourself. When you have to get over someone you’ve never dated instead of someone you’ve been in an actual relationship with, you might find that you’re way too tough on yourself. You might feel guilty, stupid, or crazy. But treat yourself gently. You haven’t willingly wanted to feel so strongly, and rejection hurts whenever and however it occurs. The important thing is to move through it like regular heartbreak so that you can see the other side of it sooner.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.