Here’s Why Your Ex Keeps Trying To Come Back—You’re Letting Him In!

You might say that you don’t want to get back together with your ex, but if he’s always hanging around, you have to look at the messages you’re sending him. Are you giving him hope without realizing it? Here are 15 things you might be doing:

  1. You give him attention. It might not be good attention, like compliments and praise. It might actually be negative attention, like telling him how annoying he is. Some guys see this as a challenge and they want to keep flirting with you to break down your defenses. Ugh.
  2. You’re engaging with him. If you talk to him, even to tell him to quit contacting you, you’re still engaging with him. That shows him you’re going to give him a response if he tries hard enough.
  3. You like the attention. Sometimes you can’t help but like the attention you get from him. You don’t want to get back together with him, but he makes you feel special and worthy. He can probably see by how his words light up your smile that he’s flattering you.
  4. You feel guilty to block him. Friends tell you to block him on social media, but you don’t want to. It would hurt him and cause more drama. Or so you say. Are you sure you’re not avoiding this because you don’t want to miss him or his daily updates?
  5. He’s become more attractive since your breakup. You say you don’t like hearing from him all the time, but since he’s been giving you more attention you can’t help but feel that he’s become more attractive or interesting. Hmmm. What’s that about? Maybe he seems great now that you’re not dating and he’s on his best behavior, but remember how he used to annoy the crap out of you when you were a couple.
  6. You enjoy casual conversations. If you avoid his flirtations but you still have and enjoy casual conversations with him, you’re giving him mixed messages. Enough is enough!
  7. Your ego is being stroked. You like to see him chase you and to see how far he’ll go to get your attention. You feel flattered that someone would go to so much trouble just to ask you out or flirt with you.
  8. You reply on social media. You might not reply to his missed calls or texts, but you’ll “like” his posts on social media or reply to comments he’s left on your profile. WTF? It might seem like chatting on social media is lighter and more carefree than using the phone to stay in touch, but it’s not. Any and every bit of contact you make is telling him you like him.
  9. You’re not over him. Maybe you still have feelings for him, which is why you don’t want to cut him out of your life. You’re even tempted to get back together with him. Just make sure you’re not confusing nostalgia of your relationship with real feelings.
  10. He’s distracting you. It’s tough being single and hitting the dating scene after a breakup. Chatting to your ex has become a sanctuary of sorts, a place where you can forget about the jerks who are out there. It’s also a relief to chat to someone who already knows you well. But don’t let this get in the way of a healthy romantic life with other people. Your ex is your ex for a reason!
  11. You think he’s just being nice. When your relationship ended, you and your ex agreed to be friends. So now when you hear from him and he’s a little more flirtatious than you expected, you don’t think he’s into you. You reckon he’s just being friendly. Wake up! A guy won’t keep pursuing you if he’s friendzoned. He would’ve moved on by now.
  12. He loves the chase. Maybe he’s not really interested in you, but he loves the chase. It makes him feel important to get your attention and you’re just keeping the cycle going by not blocking his calls!
  13. You love complaining about him. You regularly chat to your friends about how annoying your ex is and you spend time dissecting all his behavior. Here’s why you need to stop. Sometimes, the more you say you hate something, the more you allow it into your life. It’s weird, but sort of like saying you’re not going to eat chocolate ever again, only to get tempted by it the minute you put a ban on it. Complaining can be addictive, so stop doing it because it’s keeping you in touch with him and making him occupy your mind. How long before he occupies your heart?
  14. You’re doubting yourself. If your ex is always hovering around you like a hungry bee, it might make you think that there’s a reason for it. Maybe he’s actually right for you, after all? Why else would he be so interested? No, it doesn’t mean that. It just means he’s persistent AF. Remind yourself why you broke up in the first place. Don’t let your doubts give him mixed messages.
  15. You act like you want to date him. You’re not clear about your reasons for having moved on from him, or you give him vague reasons for why you can’t see him. He might think you’re playing hard to get. Think about what you really want from this guy, and if you don’t want to be bothered by him it’s time to be clear about that once and for all.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.