I used to think having a “friend with benefits” was just that—someone you get along with who provides you with occasional sexual benefits. It wasn’t until I actually got into an FWB situation that I realized it can be so much more. No, I didn’t fall in love with him, but I did fall in serious like. After a couple of years of having casual sex, we decided to take our “relationship” to the next level and go on a date. Here’s what I learned:
- He Has Blue Eyes. We usually (always) hung out at night… in a bedroom… with the lights off—so it was way too dark for me to notice the exact color of his eyes. I thought maybe they were brown or green or one of those in between colors that people have, but I was wrong. It wasn’t until our first date that I realized his eyes were actually blue. It was kind of shocking.
- He Has A Good Sense Of Style. The only outfit I ever saw him in was torn sweats and a graphic t-shirt, so I was very impressed when he took me to dinner wearing denim jeans and a black t-shirt (heart eyes emoji). No guy can look bad wearing that.
- His Mind Isn’t Always In The Gutter. I expected our conversation to solely focus on sex but it didn’t. Not once did he say something that could be interpreted in a sexual way, and to my surprise, neither did I. It was impressive that we could have a real semi-adult convo seeing as all we’d discuss up to that point for years was sex related.
- He Likes To Ask Questions. He asked what I’m studying in college, what I want to do when I graduate, what my parents do for work (which seemed like none of his business but I answered anyway), and blah blah blah. He seemed genuine and actually interested in who I was as an actual human person. That was yet another shock.
- I’m Really Comfortable With Him. Having sex with someone doesn’t automatically make you comfortable with them—at least, that hasn’t always been my experience. I expected to be nervous before our date and worried about how I looked throughout the entire thing but I wasn’t. I was strangely comfortable with him. I guess sex can make you feel comfortable with another person. Interesting.
- He Actually Knew Things About Me. He asked about my roommate and at first, I thought this was him trying to figure out if she was single so he could swoop in with that, “Can I have her number?” bit. But then he went on to ask me how my trip to California was a few weeks ago and it hit me—he’d actually taken an interest in my life before this point. He knew my roommate’s name and that I went to California. This guy was actually paying to what was going on with me and my friends? How cute!
- He’s Really Funny. He made me laugh and I’m a hard person to make laugh. He was funny and we both had the same sense of humor—dry, with a little sarcasm and a dash of crude. I’m not being dramatic when I say I’ve never had a date make me laugh that hard. It was an amazing feeling.
- He Knows How To Listen. When I spoke, he actually listened—and not the fake kind of listening where someone nods their head and smiles as if they heard you. He made real eye contact and even interrupted me a couple times to clarify whatever it was that I was saying. I didn’t love being interrupted, but it proved that he was actually paying attention to what I was saying and I thought that was nice.
- He’s Incredibly Cultured. I learned things about him. To be fair, I already knew he was really into the Plain White Ts because he had posters of the band in his room, which I always thought was weird because who has posters? Still, I didn’t know he had siblings and that he’d been to Spain and France. The guy was cultured and being cultured is very sexy.
- He’s Not A Jerk. It’s not that I thought he was a horrible person but I definitely didn’t think he was a good guy. This is my own personal, possibly messed up, opinion but I always thought guys who partook in “friends with benefits” arrangements were all kinds of sleazy and too sex-focused to commit to one woman… which is why they liked their relationships casual. That wasn’t the case for this dude.
- I Liked Him. No lie, I did. He’s a good person with a kind heart. How often do you meet guys with kind hearts? He was a rare bird and I appreciated him for asking me out and taking the time to get to know me on a deeper level. Spoiler Alert: We didn’t live happily ever after but we’re still friends (not with benefits—it got complicated, obviously) and I got a good story out of it all. Isn’t that what life’s all about?
