I Went On A Date With My Friend With Benefits & It Was Interesting

I used to think having a “friend with benefits” was just that—someone you get along with who provides you with occasional sexual benefits. It wasn’t until I actually got into an FWB situation that I realized it can be so much more. No, I didn’t fall in love with him, but I did fall in serious like. After a couple of years of having casual sex, we decided to take our “relationship” to the next level and go on a date. Here’s what I learned:

  1. He Has Blue Eyes. We usually (always) hung out at night… in a bedroom… with the lights off—so it was way too dark for me to notice the exact color of his eyes. I thought maybe they were brown or green or one of those in between colors that people have, but I was wrong. It wasn’t until our first date that I realized his eyes were actually blue. It was kind of shocking.
  2. He Has A Good Sense Of Style. The only outfit I ever saw him in was torn sweats and a graphic t-shirt, so I was very impressed when he took me to dinner wearing denim jeans and a black t-shirt (heart eyes emoji). No guy can look bad wearing that.
  3. His Mind Isn’t Always In The Gutter. I expected our conversation to solely focus on sex but it didn’t. Not once did he say something that could be interpreted in a sexual way, and to my surprise, neither did I. It was impressive that we could have a real semi-adult convo seeing as all we’d discuss up to that point for years was sex related.
  4. He Likes To Ask Questions. He asked what I’m studying in college, what I want to do when I graduate, what my parents do for work (which seemed like none of his business but I answered anyway), and blah blah blah. He seemed genuine and actually interested in who I was as an actual human person. That was yet another shock.
  5. I’m Really Comfortable With Him. Having sex with someone doesn’t automatically make you comfortable with them—at least, that hasn’t always been my experience. I expected to be nervous before our date and worried about how I looked throughout the entire thing but I wasn’t. I was strangely comfortable with him. I guess sex can make you feel comfortable with another person. Interesting.
  6. He Actually Knew Things About Me. He asked about my roommate and at first, I thought this was him trying to figure out if she was single so he could swoop in with that, “Can I have her number?” bit. But then he went on to ask me how my trip to California was a few weeks ago and it hit me—he’d actually taken an interest in my life before this point. He knew my roommate’s name and that I went to California. This guy was actually paying to what was going on with me and my friends? How cute!
  7. He’s Really Funny. He made me laugh and I’m a hard person to make laugh. He was funny and we both had the same sense of humor—dry, with a little sarcasm and a dash of crude. I’m not being dramatic when I say I’ve never had a date make me laugh that hard. It was an amazing feeling.
  8. He Knows How To ListenWhen I spoke, he actually listened—and not the fake kind of listening where someone nods their head and smiles as if they heard you. He made real eye contact and even interrupted me a couple times to clarify whatever it was that I was saying. I didn’t love being interrupted, but it proved that he was actually paying attention to what I was saying and I thought that was nice.
  9. He’s Incredibly Cultured. I learned things about him. To be fair, I already knew he was really into the Plain White Ts because he had posters of the band in his room, which I always thought was weird because who has posters? Still, I didn’t know he had siblings and that he’d been to Spain and France. The guy was cultured and being cultured is very sexy.
  10. He’s Not A Jerk. It’s not that I thought he was a horrible person but I definitely didn’t think he was a good guy. This is my own personal, possibly messed up, opinion but I always thought guys who partook in “friends with benefits” arrangements were all kinds of sleazy and too sex-focused to commit to one woman… which is why they liked their relationships casual. That wasn’t the case for this dude.
  11. I Liked Him. No lie, I did. He’s a good person with a kind heart. How often do you meet guys with kind hearts? He was a rare bird and I appreciated him for asking me out and taking the time to get to know me on a deeper level. Spoiler Alert: We didn’t live happily ever after but we’re still friends (not with benefits—it got complicated, obviously) and I got a good story out of it all. Isn’t that what life’s all about?
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.
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