Hookup culture is alive and well, and I actually used to embrace it. Sex on tap without the headaches that come with real relationships? Sure, what’s not to love? Well, as I’ve come to learn over the years, pretty much everything. Here’s why a longtime fan of the hookup scene started to realize it’s more of a life-ruiner than anything else:
It makes everyone replaceable.
People aren’t tissues — you can’t just use them up and throw them away. And yet that’s what hookup culture has taught us to do. Nowadays, people are way too quick to walk, even when things are good. People don’t want to deal with even minor problems when the next person is just one Tinder swipe away. As a result, both men and women view one another as disposable.
There’s no security anymore.
Back in the day, women used to have a certain amount of faith that the guy they’re seeing wouldn’t drop them like a hot potato if crap hit the fan. Finding a committed relationship is becoming a rarity these days, and we can blame it on the fact that hookup culture made relationships seem like they’re scary, responsibility-ridden messes. We’ll will eventually need someone to lean on, but too many of us are living in denial about it now.
Romance has all but died.
Tinder isn’t romantic. Gone are the days when we could expect love notes, flowers “just because,” or even candlelit dinners on a hot date. Nowadays, hookup culture’s casual stance on courtship made it commonplace to see breakups via text, ghosting, and borderline incoherent hookup invites. Romance is gone, and that’s terrible because it was such a beautiful thing.
Everyone believes the grass is greener, even when it’s highly unlikely.
Make no mistake about it — if a relationship is making you feel miserable, you should leave. But this isn’t about people who are being hurt — it’s about people who are in good, healthy relationships that choose to leave because they think someone better will come along. A lot of great women are being left by partners who didn’t realize how good they had it until it’s too late.
Then there’s the STD rates…
STDs are on the rise. Enough said.
A lot of kids are now growing up without fathers because of hookup culture.
A large sentiment I’m seeing among heavy supporters of hookup culture is that it’s now acceptable for men to walk away from families they helped create. If it was “just a hookup,” a lot of guys don’t feel like they should be responsible for helping raise or support the kids they made. This selfishness is leading kids to live life wondering who their father was, and that’s just plain awful.
Hookup culture really does burn out a lot decent human beings.
I can think of quite a few women who are fed up with hookup culture and stopped dating men as a result. Many others just won’t deal with the cesspool that online dating has become. Even more become bitter, angry, vicious people who want to hurt others the way they were hurt. The world is becoming an uglier place because of the people hookup culture destroys.
Hookup culture is selfish as hell.
There’s no courtesy in hookup culture. It’s all about instant gratification and doing what’s best for you and only you. If you become too selfish, you’ll end up becoming your own worst enemy in the long run.
Believe it or not, hookup culture is not helping sex positivity.
All the fallout from hookup culture is giving the crazy, pro-chastity fundamentalist types ample ammunition against sex-positive policies. Despite us all being ready to hook up with others, we’re also still ready to call people promiscuous and stigmatize those with high numbers of partners. If it’s sex positivity you’re looking for, contributing to hookup culture isn’t going to help.
The lifestyle gives you a lot of baggage.
Whether it’s due to being constantly rejected, or due to having relationships fall apart because he “wants to sew his wild oats,” hookup culture really messes with people. Everyone I’ve met has some sort of baggage because of the way hookup culture has messed with them. Sadly, all that baggage might actually make it impossible for some to have a healthy relationship, even if they stopped hooking up.
It’s making us all shallow as hell.
The best qualities a person can have won’t be found on their face or waistline. Too often, hookup culture makes us forget that.
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