Breakups suck, and unless you’re really lucky, there’s really no such thing as a good one. In fact, just figuring out how to properly end things with an loser you’ve had enough of can be a serious problem. For those in need of a little help, this quick guide might come in handy.
- Ghosting. When you ghost someone, it’s really disrespectful and is likely going to burn your bridges. However, ghosting is a good way to get your point across if you’re getting creeped out at the beginning stages of a relationship. As a result ghosting is something that should only be done if he was really disrespectful, or if you are concerned for your safety.
- The Mutual Breakup. If you two were friends before you dated and the spark just up and left, it’s very likely that you can do a mutual breakup. Just call him up, take him to a place of your choice and straight up say that you feel the relationship has run its course. Chances are that this will be a relatively painless breakup, and showing him this level of respect might actually work in your favor as far as the friendship goes. This also works well if you’ve been dating for a while, but you get the feeling he’s checked out.
- The Sudden Death. Did your soon-to-be ex do something absolutely atrocious? Did you struggle with giving him a second chance, then realize it’s not worth it after thinking about it for five minutes? Are you in public? If so, it may be time for a “sudden death” breakup. With this breakup, there’s not too much planning involved since it can only really be done when you aren’t living together or married. He did something terrible, and then you say, “We’re through!”
- The Full Execution. Are you married to an abusive jerk or are you living with a nightmare ex? If so, the Full Execution is the safest, yet most devastating way to get a divorce or just get him out of your life for good. This is done by squirreling away money for your own apartment, pretending that everything is fine, then calling up others to move all your stuff out of the house while your soon-to-be ex is out. Then, cut all contact with him and his friends. This type of breakup takes a lot of planning, but when done right, is both devastating to the jerk and empowering to you.
- The Blindside. This is a breakup that has a lot in common with the Full Execution in the sense that the other person never sees it coming. However, it differs from a Full Execution because the person being left is actually decent with you. Most blindsided breakups shouldn’t happen. Rather, you should try to either talk things out or just be upfront about the fact that you’re losing interest.
- The “I Caught You Cheating” Breakup. Obviously, this one only happens when one of you cheats. Expect drama, lots of it. If you caught your ex cheating, it’s best to just let people know what happened.
- The Down In Flames. Did this guy screw you over really badly or humiliate you multiple times? Did you, at one point or another, stop caring about how awful you’ll look in front of others? Are you not living with him right now? It may be time to employ the Down In Flames. This breakup tactic basically is you tearing down every last shred of confidence he has by telling him every single last thing he did wrong in your relationship, exposing the truth (if he lied to/about you) with proof, and also making a point to tell him that you’re way better off without him. If you choose this, you might need to brace yourself for the fallout.
- The Circumstantial Breakup. You had to move 4,000 miles away, he had to stay here. You couldn’t marry him due to cultural issues, he just proposed. Sometimes, love enough doesn’t work. With these situations, a heartfelt talk is all you can do. There’s no need to break his heart any more than necessary.
- The Rebellion Breakup. Did your parents constantly harp on you to stay with this guy, even though it’s clear you don’t want to be with him? Are you sick of hearing how happy your parents are that you found him? Well, in this case, you’re going to have to break up with him AND possibly deal with your parents too. Once you’ve had a civilized breakup with your soon-to-be ex, make it clear to your parents that you don’t want to hear about him ever again. If they can’t comply, just tell them that they can marry him instead.
- The Ice Out. In many cases, the Ice Out can actually be done in conjunction with other breakups. With an Ice Out, you outright refuse to do anything to help or soothe your ex — or refuse to do anything for your ex until they do something you need them to do. This is especially useful when it comes to dealing with an ex who was flat-out using you. When you Ice Out someone, it’s important to make sure that you don’t live with the person, and that you cut all unnecessary contact too.
