Family means everything to me, so I didn’t hesitate to bond with my ex-boyfriend’s family when we were dating. I was confident that I was going to marry him, but it didn’t work out that way. However, even though it’s been almost a decade since our breakup, I’m still friends with his mom.
I knew I needed to get along with my ex’s family if our relationship was going to work. In a long-term relationship, it’s important to bond with your partner’s family too. There’s no faster relationship killer than a mother whose mission in life it is to split you up. Plus, you don’t want to be miserable anytime you have to be around your S.O.’s loved ones. That’s a recipe for disaster.
I immediately felt comfortable with them. We instantly clicked—it was like they were my family too. I was 17 when I started dating my ex and I spent a ton of time at his house while finishing high school. When I went to college, I lived with them on weekends and on school breaks and I even went on vacation with them a few times. His little sister became the little sister I’d never had. His family was so good to me and treated me like I belonged with them and frankly, I felt like I did too.
He didn’t bond with my family in the same way. I guess I don’t really blame him since my family is pretty crazy. However, he was also hesitant to have a relationship with them because he was such an introvert, which wasn’t his fault but caused a lot of friction. I didn’t like that he made no effort with my family when I went all-in with his.
We broke up after three years together and I knew I’d miss his mom the most. I was heartbroken when we parted ways. It was 100% my fault that we split up—I was being young and stupid and ended up cheating on him instead of talking to him about our problems. I still feel really guilty about what I did even to this day, but admittedly, I was also devastated at the time because in losing him, I thought I was going to lose his family too.
She was more of a mother to me than my own ever was. We’d clicked right from the start and I loved her like a mom. My own mother had a drinking problem so my home environment was toxic and I did anything I could to get away from it. That’s partially why I spent so much time with my boyfriend’s mom instead. She treated me like I wished my own mom had and I couldn’t imagine not having that love and support anymore.
Our bond was very unique. I was only with my ex for three years and I’ve been with my new partner for nine, but I’m still not as close to my new significant other’s mom. Don’t get me wrong, I get along really well with her, but our relationship is just different. I feel bad saying that because she’s literally the kindest person on the planet and I love her to death, but the connection I had with my ex’s mom was special.
Thankfully, my ex’s mom still talks to me even though I’m no longer with her son. I was so grateful she didn’t write me off when we broke up. We text, email, and sometimes Facebook each other, mostly on birthdays and holidays. It’s not the same close relationship it once was—that would be a little weird and wildly inappropriate—but it’s nice that she hasn’t totally written me off.
We get together sometimes to catch up, minus my ex. We don’t see each other all the time, but we’ll usually do lunch about once a year. His little sister comes along too, so I get to see her grow up, which is the best. My ex never comes with them and we haven’t spoken at all since shortly after we broke up. We aren’t on bad terms or anything, but there’s no way we can be friends.
I make sure my current significant other is OK with it, of course. It’s important that I’m open and honest with my current partner and that we’re on the same page. He was a little skeptical about the situation at first because he didn’t understand why I felt the need to keep in touch with her. However, I’ve explained it to him and he’s OK with it, especially since I’ve made it clear that it’s not because I’m trying to hold onto my ex or anything like that.
I’ll always appreciate her no matter what happens. My ex’s mom and I have started to lose touch a little and it makes me sad. However, I knew it was inevitable and I feel lucky she made an effort to keep in contact with me at all after the breakup. Even if we drift apart completely, I’m grateful for the time we spent together and will never forget everything she’s done for me. She was a mother to me when my own couldn’t be and I can never thank her enough for that.
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