If you suffer from anxiety, dating can be even more difficult than usual. Many people get nervous about dating even when they don’t have anxiety, but when you suffer with it clinically, it can seriously suck. You know you’re worthy of finding love with a great guy, but that doesn’t stop you from struggling with dating. Here are some of the struggles you face:
- You always worry that you’re doing something wrong. There’s no rule book for dating. Yes, you may be awkward at first, but everyone goes through it. It’ll get easier when you get more comfortable with the person, but those intrusive thoughts can make you uncomfortable. Trying to relax and go with the flow is easier said than done, and no matter how well things are going, you think you could be doing better.
- You’re terrified of saying something wrong. You’re probably just having a normal conversation with your date, but you’re still paranoid that you might be oversharing. You worry that you’re talking too much or making yourself look like an idiot, and the fact that he’s smiling and seems to be having a great time does little to assuage this feeling.
- You’re self-conscious about your body in the bedroom. You may be wondering if your date likes your body. You may feel too fat or too thin. You may be wondering if he notices your stretch marks or varicose veins. Those thoughts are hard to stop. If your date is attracted to you, he won’t be looking at those imperfections and logically you know that, but it still doens’t keep you from feeling self-conscious.
- You may be self-conscious eating with your date. When ordering at a restaurant, you may not want your date to see how much you love fried foods. Just because you’re a girl, it doesn’t mean you have to eat like a rabbit. Eat what you want and how much you want. Guys are not going to care about all of that. Just don’t eat like a huge slob, and you’ll be fine.
- You sometimes feel the need to say you like all of the things he does. That;s just ridiculous. You know that no two people are going to like all of the same things. If he likes sports and you like makeup, that’s fine, right? You don’t have to do every single thing together. If you’re dating someone, you are still your own person. Still, the temptation to agree with him on pretty much everything is tempting because you want to avoid confrontation and you want him to like you. Fight it!
- You agonize more than usual over what you want to wear. Pretty much every girl agonizes over what she wears on a date, but if you’re dealing with anxiety, you likely feel the pressure to come up with the perfect outfit, whatever that even means. As long as it’s appropriate for what you are doing on your date, the guy won’t mind, but YOU’LL mind, so getting ready to go becomes an all-day process (and even then, you’re still not sure you’re getting it right).
- You’re incredibly shy during sex. If you have sex with your date, you may have all kinds of anxious thoughts floating around. You may wonder if you are doing things right. You may feel embarrassed to assert yourself and tell the guy what you want. He wants to know how to please you and you know the only way to make that happen is to tell him what you like and what you don’t like. Still, getting up the nerve to speak up is easier said than done.
- You dread having to have the relationship talk. There comes a point that you have to have “The Talk” to establish what you are and where things are going, and this is very likely to send you into a tailspin. It’s good to be on the same page with these issues and it hurts if you find out the hard way. These are hard conversations to have even if you don’t have anxiety, but when you do, it feels downright impossible.
- You don’t want to tell him about your anxiety. If you’re getting serious with someone, the topic of anxiety WILLwill come up. It’s better to just be upfront about it, but it’s not so easy to tell someone about your struggles when they’re so personal. If you have an anxiety attack, tell him what will help. If he likes you, he’ll want to help. If the guy is a jerk about it, you don’t want to date him anyway, right?