Here’s Why Your New Year’s Resolutions Should Have Nothing To Do With Men

New Year symbolizes new beginnings, putting a year of nonsense behind us, and moving forward with some goals we’ve set for ourselves—that’s right, those cliche resolutions. I’d never tell you not to make them, but I’d like to make an argument for keeping man-related goals off your list this year.

“I’m going to put myself out there.”

There’s nothing wrong with exposing yourself to new people, experiences, and things, but the idea of “putting yourself out there” usually means throwing yourself into the dating scene and interacting with as many single men as possible. Try this as a compromise to this classic resolution: put yourself out there in other social ways! Try joining a new group, going to more after-work happy hours, or (safely) explore a friend meeting app like Meetup. You’ll find some personal enrichment and if a guy happens to be there, that’s an added bonus.

“I’m going to get him to move in/I’m going to move in with him.”

Rather than aiming to force a huge step in a relationship, try taking pride in your own space instead. If it’s not the right time for you and your guy to move in together, you’re just going to cause a riff in what you have going. But it’s definitely time for you to add some jazzy new shelves or fresh greenery to your apartment or home! Focus on transforming your own space into somewhere you’d love to be (whether it’s somewhere that’s more peaceful, more inspiring, or aesthetically pleasing) is an amazing project to throw yourself into next year.

“I’m going to have X amount of sex this year.”

Sex is great, but forcing yourself to have a certain amount of sex? That could be borderline toxic for your New Year. Again, there’s no sex shaming coming from us; if you’re interested in having sex, we highly encourage seeking out and having safe, consensual sex. However, anyone who’s quantifying sexual encounters as a life goal might want to think why they’re making this resolution. Maybe consider tweaking your resolution to something like, “I’m going to explore a sexual fetish I’ve always wanted to explore” or “I’m going to be more sex-positive this year.”

“I’m going to get a boyfriend.”

 While there’s nothing wrong with wanting a significant other, making this a resolution is not going to end well. Setting this New Year’s goal is going to put a surprising amount of pressure on your love life. You might find yourself trying to force relationships left and right just in an effort to check something off your to-do list. Relationships shouldn’t be a box to check or a quota to fill—viewing them in this way is going to result in heartbreak and maybe even settling for the wrong person. And what happens if you can’t lock down a BF throughout the year? Odds are, you’re going to have a pretty negative New Year’s Eve NEXT year. Put a more positive spin on this cliche resolution! Try something like, “I’m going to work on showing myself more love” or “I’m going to invest time in a relationship with a girlfriend or family member.”

“I’m going to get married this year.”

Well…see above. Marriage is a huge step, one that should happen when both you and your partner feel ready—NOT when all your friends are engaged and your third glass of wine is telling you, “This is your year.” Opt for a more self-centric resolution like “I’m going to read 50 books this year” or “I’m finally going to buckle down and learn Mandarin.” Or, if you really want to focus on your relationship, angle it more positively with goals like, “My partner and I are going to go to counseling every other month” or “I’m going to be less passive aggressive and more honest with my S.O. this year.”

“I’m going to be more understanding when he has to work late nights.”

If you and your boyfriend’s go-to fight is, “I never see you anymore, you’re always working!” it might be tempting to make a resolution to be more supportive of your partner’s career. But that’s less of a life goal and more of something you and your S.O. need to work on together. Maybe in counseling, maybe just one-on-one. Supporting your partner in their career is crucial, but don’t forget about your career, girl! Try resolving to increase your productivity at work or find joy in your job—and if you’re not in a job you love, aim to find your passion and start down a career path that makes you happy.

“I’m going to go on X many Tinder dates.”

This resolution really loops in having a certain amount of sex or even the trope of “putting yourself out there.” Dating can be great but it can also be terrible. If Tinder dates aren’t your thing, don’t force yourself to be into dating apps because everyone around you seems to be! There’s nothing wrong with giving apps like Hinge and Bumble a try, but if it’s not for you, then it’s not for you. Again, try resolving that you’re going to work on yourself in some way, whether it be flossing more or trying weekly meditation. By working on yourself in these ways, not only are you going to get more satisfaction out of life, but you’re going to one day attract the right person who respects your relationship with you.

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