This is a no-judgment zone, but we must talk about those grudges you’ve been holding on to. Undoubtedly, what happened hurt you, and you want an apology from the person who wronged you to make it right. You have a right to feel offended, but what you shouldn’t do is hold onto negative emotions. Forgiveness can be difficult but it’s important to let go of that bad blood, otherwise, these 15 things may happen to you.
1. You become more pessimistic.
Our emotional state shapes our worldview, so it’s no surprise that holding onto a negative feeling, such as resentment, can make us feel, well, negatively. Day after day, anger and bitterness chip away at our positive feelings about the people around us, dampening our spirits. No one wants to be around a cynic, and it’s emotional baggage you don’t need.
2. It isolates you from people.
Distrust turns into paranoia much faster than you might realize. When you’re afraid to get burned, you may pull away from your social ties to prevent getting hurt again. Isolating yourself may make you feel better in the short term, as it addresses feelings of embarrassment or shame, but in the long term, it will not serve you well. Whether we like it or not, we all need socialization for our health and mental well-being.
3. It’s terrible for your mental health.
Your mental health takes a hit when you hold grudges as well. According to a 2019 study, those who hold grudges are more likely to experience adverse mental health conditions, such as depression, anxiety, and PTSD. The study points to rumination, or deep thought about something, as the leading cause of the inability to let go of negative emotions.
4. It stresses you out.
Think about the physical signs in your body that indicate you’re stressed: your jaw is tight, your muscles are tense, and you’re restless. None of these are good feelings, but by holding grudges, you welcome these emotions into your daily life. No one needs extra stress; we have enough of that already, so why not give yourself one less thing to worry about?
5. It makes you look uptight.
We’ve all had one friend who will not stop bringing up a negative experience, like a breakup or being gossiped about, and it bums everyone out. Your friends may not share your desire for resolution or retribution and feel you’ve taken it too far. Besides being annoying, it causes people to look at you as inflexible or unable to let things go. You may not feel like you’re being too uptight by holding a grudge, but the people in your life may have a valuable perspective you should consider.
6. You’re less likely to trust.
When someone does you wrong, you’ll likely be on edge about it happening again. These experiences can put you in a state of hypervigilance that prevents you from being vulnerable. It may impact how you treat your current friends but will undoubtedly affect future relationships. Having baggage you bring into a new situation is never good, so check your mistrust by trying to let go of resentment.
7. It can damage your heart.
Psychologists have found a strong link between stress and cardiac complications. Stress hormones increase heart rate, constrict blood vessels, or cause them to dilate. This strain on your heart can mean that you may have a higher rate of heart attack and stroke during stressful situations, and prolonged exposure to these symptoms increases your risk. You might not expect it, but your emotional state dramatically impacts your physical health.
8. You don’t give yourself a chance to get over it.
Who would we be if we held onto everything we ever thought or felt? We as people have a transformative nature; throughout our lifetime, our cells entirely replace themselves, and our attitudes, desires, hopes, and preferences change, so why should a grudge be what you’re stuck on? If you hold onto a negative feeling, you do yourself a disservice in that you can never experience the joy of forgiveness and renew yourself through the experience.
9. You’re more likely to be perceived as arrogant or inflexible.
Most of us can agree it’s not fun to be in a group with someone who refuses to change their mind or acknowledge anyone else’s point of view. Well, holding grudges can make people look at you that way, too. made people look at you like that, too. It shows that you cannot empathize with other people or accept that their shortcomings might have been an honest mistake. My advice: Don’t let your lack of insight be why you harbor negativity or bring it to public spaces.
10. You have a higher risk of developing cognitive decline.
A study conducted in 2018 shows a link between grudges and cognitive decline. The researchers compared those who hold grudges against those who practice forgiveness and their correlation with cognitive decline over 10 years. Those who exhibited hostility, mistrust, and cynicism experienced more cognitive decline than those who were forgiving.
11. You waste your energy.
It takes just as much energy to be spiteful as to be kind. In truth, sometimes it takes more energy to be spiteful. We waste a lot of our time and energy on negative outlets that drain us instead of putting ourselves into something that will replenish us. Being vengeful is a waste of energy; we only have so long on this earth, and you owe it to yourself to free yourself from the burden of anger. This is why it’s important to find ways to shake off bitterness and grief in favor of acceptance.
12. It can give you anxiety.
When you hold onto grudges, you lock in feelings that are associated with being hurt, like paranoia and anxiety. The result may leave us feeling insecure about our social hierarchy and whether our friends care for us or not, which is an anxiety-inducing place to be. It might be worth considering that you’re putting unnecessary strain on yourself by assuming others are out to get you.
13. You lose valuable relationships.
You might want to consider that holding onto grudges hurts your close relationships. Ask any couple that’s been married 40-plus years if a partner has ever hurt them; the answer will likely be a resounding yes. However, they don’t let their bad feelings stick and can forgive each other. They make it work because they value the relationship over some petty grudge.
14. It can give you headaches or chronic pain.
Another unexpected physical side effect of holding a grudge is the headaches and chronic pain it can cause. Stress and anxiety, major byproducts of holding a grudge, cause tension, which can result in teeth grinding, chronically tight shoulders, and a stiff neck. Each emotion has a physical counterpart that can affect us in both good and bad ways, and grudges have more negative side effects.
15. You rob yourself of a chance to learn.
If you never let go of your grudge, you never experience forgiveness. When you forgive someone, you learn empathy for their position, which makes you emotionally aware. Each bad experience we go through teaches us things and makes us stronger. Don’t deny yourself the opportunity to learn the lesson your emotions are trying to teach you.
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