Here’s What It’s Really Like Being In Love

The first time I fell head over heels, I spent weeks wondering what was wrong with me. I couldn’t understand why I felt so… different. And then it hit me: I was in love. If you’re young, working out the differences between a crush, infatuation, and real love doesn’t come naturally. So, what does it feels like when you’re in deep with someone?

1. You start feeling lovesick. Having a crush is all butterflies and giggles, but I was feeling nauseous and uncomfortable when I was actually falling in love for the first time. It can also mess with your sleep schedule. Thinking about them fills you with warm, fuzzy feelings. You’re not obsessed with them like you are if you’re infatuated with someone, but you often find yourself wanting to share everything with them and really value what they would think.
2. What does love feel like? Real love is calmer than a crush or infatuation. You have a deep yearning for them, but it’s not rooted in sexual feelings or made-up scenarios. Although there’s still passion, romance, and attraction, you haven’t completely lost yourself; you don’t want to live without them, but you’re still a whole person without them. Once you’ve fallen in love, you feel secure, safe, and comfortable with your person. Most of all, being with them just feels right, like the two of you are meant to be.
3. It’s not the same as a crush. Therapist Dr. Bukky Kolawole explains that when we have a crush, we tend to project ideal traits onto our crushes, even when we have little or no evidence of it being realistic. “You have little pieces of information, and what you see, you are drawn to in that person,” Dr. Kolawole explained. Whereas, when we’re in love with someone, we care about them knowing who they are in their entirety, good and bad. There isn’t a time limit on crushes, but generally, they seem to last a few months, whereas love can last a lifetime.
4. You don’t get the ick. The ick is a term to describe suddenly being put of someone you were once attracted to. Sometimes the ick is caused by a red flag, maybe you went to dinner, and they were super rude to the staff. Other times, something completely random – and not even necessarily a flaw – like getting a once-off whiff of body odor triggers it. You finally see them as a real human being and not the idealized version of them you had a crush on, and with that, all your feelings evaporate. It’s not your fault or theirs. Unfortunately, most of the time, when you get the ick, it’s game over. But, if you’re head over heels, you know them well enough to accept who they are, and you aren’t grossed out by them being an actual person with human bodily functions.
5. Lust isn’t the same as love. Feeling attracted to your partner and wanting to be intimate is totally normal. The feeling of lust is only about sex and physical attraction. Attraction is a huge component of love, but there’s also a more profound connection rooted in loving that person for who they are.

More of what it’s like being in love

1. They become more attractive to you when you’re in love. You might think your partner is the apple of your eye and feel confused when your friends don’t think they’re as attractive or charming as you do. It’s not that they’re actually ugly or have a terrible personality by any means. Since your friends aren’t crazy about them too, they’re just not gonna see them like that, which should probably come as a relief, as you don’t want others making a move. You see the best version of someone when you love them. Plus, research found the more you see someone, the more attractive they think you are, which makes sense since you spend a lot of time together (or looking at photos of them). With that said, love does make you glow and look better too!
2. It changes you. We’ve all heard stories of people changing for the better when they love someone. But to an extent, being in love actually changes our brain function and hormones while we’re feeling it.
3. Love becomes a choice. A lot of couples, especially younger couples, break up after the honeymoon phase ends, which is around the six-month mark but can last up to two or three years. At this point, the warm fuzzy feelings and excitement have worn off, and you see the real them. This phase is much calmer and less passionate, which is why some people think they’ve actually fallen out of love. But put it in perspective: feeling electric potentially forever sounds exhausting. It’s a make-or-break time in a relationship, but with effort and communication, you can find ways to reconnect.
4. You don’t have eyes for anyone else. Have you ever stopped and noticed you might have had a new crush fairly often growing up, but once you got into a healthy, committed, long-term relationship, you didn’t get feelings for anyone else. This is thanks to oxytocin, also known as the love hormone. This hormone is responsible for that feeling of closeness, connection, and comfort and makes you less likely to have eyes for anyone else.
5. Most people believe in love at first sight. Whether falling in love at first sight is a real phenomenon is highly debatable. Attraction, at first sight, is very common, but those on the skeptical side cannot imagine how you could feel something so deep for a complete stranger – even if they’re an exceptionally hot stranger. With that said, 56% of Americans believe in love at first sight.
6. Love can grow slowly. Others need more time to get to know someone before considering themselves in love. A survey found that men start thinking about professing their feelings to their partner around three months into a relationship, but women take five months to consider dropping the L-word. With that said, you’ve probably been in love for a while before you consider actually saying it.