Here’s Why You Aren’t Getting Second Dates

First dates are stressful, but necessary if you want to figure out if a guy is worth pursuing or not. The true test of how things went, though, will be determined by whether or not a second date gets scheduled. You wouldn’t think it would be that hard to get another date lined up with the same person, but if your number of first dates is far greater than your number of second dates, this is why you might be having such a hard time:

  1. Not every guy will understand you. You’re confident, strong and independent, and that means that not every guy that you go out with is going to really understand who you are and what you’re all about. The good thing is that it weeds out a lot of guys you shouldn’t be with in the first place, but it also means it’ll take you longer to get to that second date, let alone find true love.
  2. You’re looking for something specific. Or rather, someONE specific. You’ve dated long enough to know exactly the kind of guy that you want to date, and that means that not everyone will get another chance to impress you. Don’t pay people any mind when they tell you you’re picky. You should never lower your standards just to get a guy.
  3. You’re standing your ground. You absolutely refuse to settle, so you have no problem saying no to second dates if you don’t feel anything or you noticed any red flags. You won’t go back on your word, and you definitely won’t regret it. While it’s never a bad thing to stay firm on what you want, it’s still pretty frustrating when you can’t meet anyone who meets your standards.
  4. You’re not dating the right kind of guys. Do you feel like you’re dating the same kind of people over and over again? If you hated the guy you went out with last Tuesday because he was super dull and didn’t seem to feel like talking, it’s no wonder you hated the boring person you had a beer with last night. Picking the same type of man isn’t going to lead to more second dates, and it’s definitely not going to lead to a relationship.
  5. You’re intimidating. You hate hearing this, and you wish guys would get over whatever it is that makes them think they’re not good enough for you. But unfortunately, if you’re super successful, a lot of guys will get scared off pretty quickly. Good riddance, though; you need someone who loves strong women, not someone who’s scared by them.
  6. You’re giving off a weird vibe. You can’t help but put a wall up when you go on one first date after another. It’s not that you try; you’ve just learned to protect yourself after getting disappointed so many times. But as a result, you end up giving off a certain vibe that can sometimes scare guys away even though you don’t mean to.
  7. You’re in a rut. Going on a ton of first dates this week or this month? You might have gotten into a dating rut by saying the same stuff about yourself, asking the same questions, and telling the guy it was nice to meet him before calling it a night. It’s no wonder you’re not making any real connections or hearing back from these guys again. If you switch up your date locations and activities, maybe you’ll have more fun and your luck will change.
  8. You can’t win them all. Some guys just won’t like you, and that’s not always your fault. Some of them won’t get your sense of humor, think that you’re too much to handle, or question if you’d fit into their lives. So what? This is one of those things about dating that you honestly can’t control, so you’ll be better off if you let it go.
  9. You haven’t met your person. Every time you go on a first date that doesn’t turn into a second, remember that it’s okay because this guy wasn’t meant to be. Eventually, you’ll meet someone amazing who will make all the bad dates worth it. You just have to keep trying.
  10. You’re expecting the worst. You’re super used to going on so many first dates and nothing else. That’s kind of just how it goes when you’re single and looking. It’s hard not to get discouraged when you put so much effort into something that you feel is destined to fail, but if you try to be as positive as possible about the process, you may find that your luck changes in an instant.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.