Here’s Why You Just Can’t Let Go Of That One Guy From Your Past

Some guys leave a lasting impression whether you like it or not.  It’s not easy to let go of a guy you had strong feelings for, and it’s even worse if he just walks away and gives you no choice in the matter — but ultimately, you have to find a way to move on if you want to keep your sanity and find happiness.

  1. You’re constantly comparing new guys to him. Even if you’re really interested in the new guy you’ve started seeing, if you still find yourself comparing him to the one who got away — even if it’s just a passing observation about how your new guy is a way better cook than your ex — that’s not a good thing. You can get to know people without comparing all their qualities, the good and the bad, to someone else.
  2. You aren’t really trying to date. There’s nothing wrong with taking some time to yourself to get over someone, or choosing to be single for as long as you’re comfortable with. But if you’re still pining after someone you’ll never be with again, sometimes getting back out there and going on some dates is a great way to remind yourself that there are plenty of fish in the sea and you didn’t lose your only chance at true love.
  3. You never got closure. These days, with the prevalence of ghosting, it’s not unusual for a guy you’ve been seeing for months to just disappear into thin air never to be heard from again. Sometimes you can just shrug your shoulders and move onto the next, but other times, the lack of closure eats away at you and you can’t stop obsessing over what went wrong.
  4. You think there’s still a chance of reconciliation. The benching phenomenon has given the impression that nothing is ever really over. So he walked away from you before, but that doesn’t mean you won’t get a patented ‘u up?’ text in the few months. And you never know, that could lead to regular hookups, falling in love and getting married. Anything’s possible, right?
  5. You never really considered why he wasn’t right for you. You’ve been so busy missing all the great things about him that you forgot to do a true postmortem on your relationship. There was a reason (or a few reasons) it didn’t work out and if you took the time to recognize and accept those reasons you might find it easier to move on and put him in your rear view mirror for good.
  6. You only remember the good things about him. Instead of remembering him as a human being, flaws and all, you’ve put him on a pedestal. He wasn’t perfect and there were plenty of reasons it didn’t work out between you. Remembering the negative parts of your relationship and truly believing that you deserve better might help you finally not only make the decision to move on but actually follow through.
  7. You regret how things ended. Regret is one of those emotions that has a way of eating away at you until there’s nothing left if you let it. If you feel guilty about the way things ended, it might be worth reaching out to him to apologize to get a sense of closure. If that’s not a possibility, making sure you learned something from your mistakes is the best path to forgiving yourself.
  8. You tried to move on too quickly. It’s always tempting to jump back into dating immediately after ending things with someone. You want the attention and to be distracted from being upset over a guy who doesn’t want you. But at some point, you actually have to face your feelings and allow yourself the chance to grieve. Even if your time with him was short-lived, you still have every right to be upset. It’s okay to admit you’re disappointed — it’s only human.
  9. You thought he was The One. It’s a hard pill to swallow when you were so sure he was going to be around for the long haul and it turns out you were completely wrong. But there’s still plenty of hope for you to find love, so don’t ever think because you lost him, you’ll be alone forever.
  10. Your self-esteem took a hit. Your lingering feelings might not even be about him directly. They might be more about how you feel about yourself after the breakup. Don’t let feeling like you aren’t worthy of love and no one else will want you take over because it’s a slippery slope once self-sabotaging thoughts take hold.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to, contributes regularly to, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.