Online dating causes a whole lot of frustration, disappointment and misplaced hope. I can’t be the only one who loves and loathes the entire experience — and I know I’m not when my single friends and I grab drinks, because it’s often all we talk about. Here’s why I have such a love/hate relationship with looking for love on the Internet:
- I always want to take a break. One hour on Tinder and I’m ready to give up on dating, at least for the next few weeks. Everyone looks the same, no one messages, and only a few answer.
- I hate that it takes time. I know that Rome wasn’t built in a day, and a solid relationship won’t be either. But if there’s one thing that I really hate about online dating, it’s that you have to wait for things to really start happening. You can’t use the sites/apps for one or two days and then claim it’s not working. It takes time to meet someone who’s worth it, and that makes me super impatient for true love.
- I never know what to think. Do I only go on dates with guys who are good “online chatters” or do I still take a chance even when they’re sending one-sentence answers instead of paragraphs? There are no real answers and for a perfectionist/workaholic, that can be super frustrating.
- It’s easy to feel addicted. Swipe for a few days and it’s super easy to feel like it’s fun and even necessary. I don’t want to spend my days searching for a boyfriend but have to stay somewhat invested or I’ll never get anywhere.
- It’s tempting to settle. Settling is basically death. It’s like saying goodbye to any romantic dreams anyone ever had. And yet, thanks to online dating, I wonder how many bad dates I have to keep going on. Shouldn’t I just pick someone? Isn’t that what everyone does?
- I feel like a professional dater. I have all kinds of self-imposed rules and beliefs that I never had before creating a profile or downloading an app. It’s easy to feel like a professional dater and like the entire point of the whole thing is going on first dates that never lead to relationships. That sounds nuts, and yet it keeps happening.
- I love the convenience. I can talk to people while watching Grey’s Anatomy on my couch on weeknights, and whenever it seems like another date will never ever happen, I’m writing down a time and place in my agenda. Online dating is a super convenient way to date, and since I never meet any guys my age on a regular basis, it works.
- I never seem to give up hope. Sure, crappy dates are the worst, and I’m not above getting disappointed. But by my subway ride home, I’m already over it and on to the next. While I may hate the days of swiping and chatting with strangers sometimes, for the most part, I’m still hopeful that my person is out there.
