While you might be hesitant to talk about your exes with your new guy or ask him about his, it can actually be a really important part of building a strong relationship foundation. It may make you feel uncomfortable to hear about the women he’s dated before you, but here’s why it pays to ask him about his dating history.
- If you avoid bringing it up, your imagination will run wild. It’s better to know the truth about your partner’s past than to wonder about it and create scenarios in your mind that have no basis in reality. You might not like everything you hear when talking about his dating history but at least you will know rather than be left in the dark about it. Sometimes what we think or how we perceive things isn’t the actual truth, and that can be severely damaging.
- It’s good to know why his relationships ended in the past. Was he cheated on or did he cheat? Was he in a serious long-term relationship that ended, and why did it end? Asking questions about his dating history will help you understand why his past relationships ended and give you some insight into what mistakes to avoid making in your relationship now.
- You can tell a lot about a person by the way they talk about their exes. If every girl he dated screwed him over, there’s a chance that he’s the type of person who refuses to take responsibility for his own actions. On the other hand, you don’t want your boyfriend to be gushing over any of his exes. There’s a fine line, but the way he talks about his romantic past will definitely tell you a lot about who he is as a person.
- It shows that you’re a straight shooter who isn’t afraid to ask tough questions. Bringing up his exes and romantic past will show your boyfriend that’s you’re not someone who passive-aggressively mentions things they want to know or beats around the bush. He’ll likely appreciate you being straightforward and feel more comfortable being open with you as well. You’re not the type of person to assume or learn things from other people; you want to hear what happened in his past from him.
- It opens up the door for you to talk about your dating history too. For the same reasons it’s beneficial to hear about your boyfriend’s exes, it can be a good thing for him to learn about yours too. Honesty is the key to any successful relationship, and being vulnerable is a sign you’re comfortable with and trust your partner. Plus, if you’ve been cheated on or gone through any toxic relationships, it’s good for your partner to know so he can understand why certain things might bother you more or why you might react differently.
- It’s better to be aware of any big issues or red flags early on. Having this discussion gives him the opportunity to be upfront about his romantic past and shows that you’re willing to listen and be understanding. There are some things, such as a failed engagement or if his ex blindsided him with cheating, that he might have wanted to share with you but never felt like it was the right time.
- His response to you asking about his exes will give you an idea about how he feels about your relationship. If he brushes it off like nothing special happened in his romantic past, he might just not feel like he can trust you or feel like he’s ready to be that vulnerable yet. If he is willing to open up and give you some details that are private and not typically shared with other people, that’s a signal he’s invested in your relationship and feels like he can be completely real with you.
- We all have a dating history, so there’s no point in pretending that exes don’t exist. Some people have been in more serious long-term relationships than others, but it’s unlikely that you’re dating someone with absolutely no romantic history, and he should understand that about you too. It’s silly to avoid talking about your boyfriend’s dating history because the experiences and relationships he had shaped him into the guy you’re with today. Just like you want to know about his childhood and other things about his life before you, it makes sense to share details about our romantic past with our current partner.
- Sharing details about the past that are difficult to talk about or even downright embarrassing will bring you closer as a couple. If you feel comfortable being vulnerable about things including dating history and any other past events, it will bring you closer and the trust will build in your relationship. It’s not easy to talk about exes (or to ask about them) but it’s definitely a healthy and positive step in a relationship to continue growth.